第二十九回

第二十九回 施恩重霸孟州道 武松醉打蒋门神

诗曰：

堪叹英雄大丈夫，飘蓬四海谩嗟吁。

武松不展魁梧略，施子难为远大图。

顷刻赵城应返璧，逡巡合浦便还珠。

他时水浒驰芳誉，方识男儿盖世无。

话说当时施恩向前说道：“兄长请坐。待小弟备细告诉衷曲之事。”武松道：“小管营不要文文诌诌，拣紧要的话直说来。”施恩道：“小弟自幼从江湖上师父学得些小枪棒在身，孟州一境起小弟一个诨名，叫做金眼彪。小弟此间东门外有一座市井，地名唤做快活林。但是山东、河北客商们，都来那里做买卖，有百十处大客店，三二十处赌坊、兑坊[1]。往常时，小弟一者倚仗随身本事，二者捉着营里有八九十个弃命囚徒，去那里开着一个酒肉店，都分与众店家和赌坊、兑坊里。但有过路妓女之人，到那里来时，先要来参见小弟，然后许他去趁食。那许多去处每朝每日都有闲钱，月终也有三二百两银子寻觅，如此赚钱。近来被这本营内张团练，新从东潞州来，带一个人到此。那厮姓蒋名忠，有九尺来长身材，因此，江湖上起他一个诨名，叫做蒋门神。那厮不说长大，原来有一身好本事，使得好枪棒，拽拳飞脚，相扑为最。自夸大言道：‘三年上泰岳争跤，不曾有对；普天之下，没我一般的了！’因此来夺小弟的道路。小弟不肯让他，吃那厮一顿拳脚打了，两个月起不得床。前日兄长来时，兀自包着头，兜着手，直到如今，伤痕未消。本待要起人去和他厮打，他却有张团练那一班儿正军，若是闹将起来，和营中先自折理。有这一点无穷之恨不能报得。久闻兄长是个大丈夫，不在蒋门神之下，怎地得兄长与小弟出得这口无穷之怨气，死而瞑目。只恐兄长远路辛苦，气未完，力未足，因此且教将息半年三月，等贵体气完力足方请商议。不期村仆脱口失言说了，小弟当以实告。”

武松听罢，呵呵大笑，便问道：“那蒋门神还是几颗头，几条臂膊？”施恩道：“也只是一颗头，两条臂膊，如何有多！”武松笑道：“我只道他三头六臂，有那吒的本事，我便怕他！原来只是一颗头，两条臂膊。既然没那吒的模样，却如何怕他？”施恩道：“只是小弟力薄艺疏，便敌他不过。”武松道：“我却不是说嘴，凭着我胸中本事，平生只要打天下硬汉，不明道德的人！既是恁地说了，如今却在这里做甚么！有酒时，拿了去路上吃，我如今便和你去，看我把这厮和大虫一般结果他。拳头重时打死了，我自偿命！”施恩道：“兄长少坐。待家尊出来相见了，当行即行，未敢造次。等明日先使人去那里探听一遭，若是本人在家时，后日便去；若是那厮不在家时，却再理会。空自去打草惊蛇，倒吃他做了手脚，却是不好。”武松焦躁道：“小管营！你可知[2]着他打了，原来不是男子汉做事。去便去，等甚么今日明日！要去便走，怕他准备！”

正在那里劝不住，只见屏风背后转出老管营来，叫道：“义士，老汉听你多时也。今日幸得相见义士一面，愚男如拨云见日一般。且请到后堂少叙片时。”武松跟了到里面。老管营道：“义士且请坐。”武松道：“小人是个囚徒，如何敢对相公坐地。”老管营道：“义士休如此说。愚男万幸，得遇足下，何故谦让？”武松听罢，唱个无礼喏，相对便坐了。施恩却立在面前。武松道：“小管营如何却立地？”施恩道：“家尊在上相陪，兄长请自尊便。”武松道：“恁地时，小人却不自在。”老管营道：“既是义士如此，这里又无外人。”便教施恩也坐了。仆从搬出酒肴果品盘馔之类。老管营亲自与武松把盏，说道：“义士如此英雄，谁不钦敬！愚男原在快活林中做些买卖，非为贪财好利，实是壮观孟州，增添豪杰气象。不期今被蒋门神倚势豪强，公然夺了这个去处，非义士英雄，不能报仇雪恨。义士不弃愚男，满饮此杯，受愚男四拜，拜为长兄，以表恭敬之心。”武松答道：“小人年幼无学，如何敢受小管营之礼？枉自折了武松的草料[3]！”当下饮过酒，施恩纳头便拜了四拜。武松连忙答礼，结为弟兄。当日武松欢喜饮酒，吃得大醉了，便教人扶去房中安歇，不在话下。

远戍牢城作配军，偶从公廨遇知音。

施恩先有知人鉴，双手擎还快活林。

次日，施恩父子商议道：“武松昨夜痛醉，必然中酒，今日如何敢叫他去？且推道使人探听来，其人不在家里，延挨一日，却再理会。”当日施恩来见武松，说道：“今日且未可去，小弟已使人探知这厮不在家里。明日饭后却请兄长去。”武松道：“明日去时不打紧，今日又气我一日！”早饭罢，吃了茶，施恩与武松去营前闲走了一遭，回来到客房里，说些枪法，较量些拳棒。看看晌午，邀武松到家里，只具数杯酒相待，下饭按酒，不记其数。武松正要吃酒，见他只把按酒添来相劝，心中不快意。吃了晌午饭，起身别了，回到客房里坐地。只见那两个仆人又来伏侍武松洗浴。武松问道：“你家小管营今日如何只将肉食出来请我，却不多将些酒出来与我吃，是甚意故？”仆人答道：“不敢瞒都头说，今早老管营和小管营议论，今日本是要央都头去，怕都头夜来酒多，恐今日中酒，怕误了正事，因此不敢将酒出来。明日正要央都头去干正事。”武松道：“恁地时，道我醉了，误了你大事？”仆人道：“正是这般计较。”仆人少间也自去了。

当夜武松巴不得天明，早起来洗漱罢，头上裹了一顶万字头巾，身上穿了一领土色布衫，腰里系条红绢搭膊，下面腿絣护膝，八搭麻鞋。讨了一个小膏药，贴了脸上金印。施恩早来请去家里吃早饭，武松吃了茶饭罢，施恩便道：“后槽有马，备来骑去。”武松道：“我又不脚小，骑那马怎地？只要依我一件事。”施恩道：“哥哥但说不妨，小弟如何敢道不依。”武松道：“我和你出得城去，只要还我无三不过望。”施恩道：“兄长，如何是无三不过望？小弟不省其意。”武松笑道：“我说与你。你要打蒋门神时，出得城去，但遇着一个酒店便请我吃三碗酒，若无三碗时，便不过望子去。这个唤做无三不过望。”施恩听了，想道：“这快活林离东门去有十四五里田地，算来卖酒的人家也有十二三家，若要每店吃三碗时，恰好有三十五六碗酒，才到得那里，恐哥哥醉也，如何使得！”武松大笑道：“你怕我醉了没本事？我却是没酒没本事，带一分酒便有一分本事，五分酒五分本事，我若吃了十分酒，这气力不知从何而来。若不是酒醉了胆大，景阳冈上如何打得这只大虫！那时节，我须烂醉了好下手，又有力，又有势！”施恩道：“却不知哥哥是恁地。家下有的是好酒，只恐哥哥醉了失事，因此夜来不敢将酒出来请哥哥深饮。待事毕时，尽醉方休。既然哥哥原来酒后越有本事时，恁地先教两个仆人，自将了家里的好酒果品肴馔，去前路等候，却和哥哥慢慢地饮将去。”武松道：“恁么却才中我意。去打蒋门神，教我也有些胆量。没酒时，如何使得手段出来！还你今朝打倒那厮，教众人大笑一场。”施恩当时打点了，叫两个仆人先挑食箩酒担，拿了些铜钱去了。施老管营又暗暗地选拣了一二十条大汉壮健的人，慢慢的随后来接应，都分付下了。

且说施恩和武松两个离了安平寨，出得孟州东门外来。行过得三五百步，只见官道旁边，早望见一座酒肆望子挑出在檐前。看那个酒店时，但见：

门迎驿路，户接乡村。芙蓉金菊傍池塘，翠柳黄槐遮酒肆。壁上描刘伶贪饮，窗前画李白传杯。渊明归去，王弘送酒到东篱；佛印山居，苏轼逃禅来北阁。闻香驻马三家醉，知味停舟十里香。不惜抱琴沽一醉，信知终日卧斜阳。

那两个挑食担的仆人已先在那里等候。施恩邀武松到里面坐下，仆人已自安下肴馔，将酒来筛。武松道：“不要小盏儿吃。大碗筛来，只斟三碗。”仆人排下大碗，将酒便斟。武松也不谦让，连吃了三碗便起身。仆人慌忙收拾了器皿，奔前去了。武松笑道：“却才去肚里发一发，我们去休。”两个便离了这座酒肆，出得店来。此时正是七月间天气，炎暑未消，金风乍起。两个解开衣襟，又行不得一里多路，来到一处，不村不郭，却早又望见一个酒旗儿，高挑出在林树里。来到林木丛中看时，却是一座卖村醪小酒店。但见：

古道村坊，傍溪酒店。杨柳阴森门外，荷花旖旎池中。飘飘酒旆舞金风，短短芦帘遮酷日。磁盆架上，白泠泠满贮村醪；瓦瓮灶前，香喷喷初蒸社酝。村童量酒，想非昔日相如；少妇当垆，不是他年卓氏。休言三斗宿酲，便是二升也醉。

当时施恩、武松来到村坊酒肆门前，施恩立住了脚，问道：“兄长，此间是个村醪酒店，哥哥饮么？”武松道：“遮莫酸咸苦涩，问甚滑辣清香，是酒还须饮三碗。若是无三，不过帘便了。”两个入来坐下，仆人排了果品按酒。武松连吃了三碗，便起身走。仆人急急收了家火什物，赶前去了。两个出得店门来，又行不到一二里，路上又见个酒店，武松入来，又吃了三碗便走。

话休絮繁。武松、施恩两个一处走着，但遇酒店便入去吃三碗，约莫也吃过十来处好酒肆。施恩看武松时，不十分醉。武松问施恩道：“此去快活林还有多少路？”施恩道：“没多了，只在前面，远远地望见那个林子便是。”武松道：“既是到了，你且在别处等我，我自去寻他。”施恩道：“这话最好。小弟自有安身去处。望兄长在意，切不可轻敌。”武松道：“这个却不妨。你只要叫仆人送我，前面再有酒店时，我还要吃。”施恩叫仆人仍旧送武松。施恩自去了。

武松又行不到三四里路，再吃过十来碗酒。此时已有午牌时分，天色正热，却有些微风。武松酒却涌上来，把布衫摊开，虽然带着五七分酒，却装做十分醉的，前颠后偃，东倒西歪，来到林子前。那仆人用手指道：“只前头丁字路口，便是蒋门神酒店。”武松道：“既是到了，你自去躲得远着。等我打倒了，你们却来。”武松抢过林子背后，见一个金刚来大汉，披着一领白布衫，撒开一把交椅，拿着蝇拂子，坐在绿槐树下乘凉。武松看那人时，生得如何？但见：

形容丑恶，相貌粗疏。一身紫肉横生，几道青筋暴起。

黄髯斜起，唇边扑地蝉蛾；怪眼圆睁，眉目对悬星象。

坐下狰狞如猛虎，行时仿佛似门神。

这武松假醉佯颠，斜着眼看了一看，心中自忖道：“这个大汉以定是蒋门神了。”直抢过去。又行不到三五十步，早见丁字路口一个大酒店，檐前立着望竿，上面挂着一个酒望子，写着四个大字道：“河阳风月”。转过来看时，门前一带绿油阑干，插着两把销金旗，每把上五个金字，写道：“醉里乾坤大，壶中日月长”。一边厢肉案砧头，操刀的家生，一壁厢蒸作馒头，烧柴的厨灶。去里面一字儿摆着三只大酒缸，半截埋在地里，缸里面各有大半缸酒。正中间装列着柜身子，里面坐着一个年纪小的妇人，正是蒋门神初来孟州新娶的妾，原是西瓦子[4]里唱说诸般宫调的顶老[5]。那妇人生得如何？

眉横翠岫，眼露秋波。樱桃口浅晕微红，春笋手轻舒嫩玉。冠儿小，明铺鱼，掩映乌云；衫袖窄，巧染榴花，薄笼瑞雪。金钗插凤，宝钏围龙。尽教崔护去寻浆，疑是文君重卖酒。

武松看了，瞅着醉眼，径奔入酒店里来，便去柜身相对一副座头上坐了，把双手按着桌子上，不转眼看那妇人。在柜身里那妇人瞧见，回转头看了别处。武松看那店里时，也有五七个当撑的酒保。武松却敲着桌子叫道：“卖酒的主人家在那里？”一个当头的酒保过来，看着武松道：“客人要打多少酒？”武松道：“打两角酒，先把些来尝看。”那酒保去柜上叫那妇人舀两角酒下来，倾放桶里，盪一碗过来，道：“客人尝酒。”武松拿起来闻一闻，摇着头道：“不好，不好！换将来！”酒保见他醉了，将来柜上道：“娘子，胡乱换些与他。”那妇人接来，倾了那酒，又舀些上等酒下来。酒保将去，又盪一碗过来。武松提起来，呷了一口，叫道：“这酒也不好，快换来便饶你！”酒保忍气吞声，拿了酒去柜边道：“娘子，胡乱再换些好的与他，休和他一般见识。这客人醉了，只待要寻闹相似，胡乱换些好的与他。”那妇人又舀了一等上色好的酒来与酒保。酒保把桶儿放在面前，又盪一碗过来。武松吃了道：“这酒略有些意思。”问道：“过卖，你那主人家姓甚么？”酒保答道：“姓蒋。”武松道：“却如何不姓李？”那妇人听了道：“这厮那里吃醉了，来这里讨野火[6]么？”酒保道：“眼见得是个外乡蛮子，不省得了。休听他放屁。”武松问道：“你说甚么？”酒保道：“我们自说话，客人你休管，自吃酒。”武松道：“过卖，你叫柜上那妇人下来相伴我吃酒。”酒保喝道：“休胡说！这是主人家娘子。”武松道：“便是主人家娘子待怎地？相伴我吃酒也不打紧！”那妇人大怒，便骂道：“杀才！该死的贼！”推开柜身子，却待奔出来。

武松早把土色布衫脱下，上半截揣在腰里，便把那桶酒只一泼，泼在地上，抢入柜身子里，却好接着那妇人。武松手硬，那里挣扎得。被武松一手接住腰胯，一只手把冠儿捏做粉碎，揪住云髻，隔柜身子提将出来，望浑酒缸里只一丢，听得扑同的一声响，可怜这妇人正被直丢在大酒缸里。武松托地从柜身前踏将出来。有几个当撑的酒保，手脚活些个的，都抢来奔武松。武松手到，轻轻地只一提，入怀里来，两手揪住，也望大酒缸里只一丢，桩[7]在里面。又一个酒保奔来，提着头只一掠，也丢在酒缸里。再有两个来的酒保，一拳一脚，都被武松打倒了。先头三个人，在三只酒缸里，那里挣扎得起。后面两个人，在地下爬不动。这几个火家捣子，打得屁滚尿流，乖的走了一个。武松道：“那厮必然去报蒋门神来。我就接将去，大路上打倒他好看，教众人笑一笑。”武松大踏步赶将出来。

那个捣子径奔去报了蒋门神。蒋门神见说，吃了一惊，踢翻了交椅，丢去蝇拂子，便钻将来。武松却好迎着，正在大阔路上撞见。蒋门神虽然长大，近因酒色所迷，淘虚了身子，先自吃了那一惊，奔将来，那步不曾停住，怎地及得武松虎一般似健的人，又有心来算他。蒋门神见了武松，心里先欺他醉，只顾赶将入来。说时迟，那时快，武松先把两个拳头去蒋门神脸上虚影一影，忽地转身便走。蒋门神大怒，抢将来，被武松一飞脚踢起，踢中蒋门神小腹上，双手按了，便蹲下去。武松一踅，踅将过来，那只右脚早踢起，直飞在蒋门神额角上，踢着正中，望后便倒。武松追入一步，踏住胸脯，提起这醋钵儿大小拳头，望蒋门神脸上便打。原来说过的打蒋门神扑手：先把拳头虚影一影，便转身，却先飞起左脚，踢中了，便转过身来，再飞起右脚。这一扑有名，唤做“玉环步，鸳鸯脚”。这是武松平生的真才实学，非同小可！打的蒋门神在地下叫饶。武松说道：“若要我饶你性命，只要依我三件事。”蒋门神在地下叫道：“好汉饶我！休说三件，便是三百件，我也依得！”

武松指定蒋门神，说出那三件事来，有分教：大闹孟州城，来上梁山泊。且教改头换面来寻主，剪发齐眉去杀人。毕竟武松对蒋门神说出那三件事来，且听下回分解。

[1] 兑坊——兑换店、小押铺。

[2] 可知——当然、难怪、无怪其然等意思。

[3] 折了草料——折寿的意思。迷信的说法：一个人一生食料多少，命中注定；倘若超过了应有的享受、待遇，把注定的食料提前吃完，就要折减寿命。草料，是牲口的食料；称自己吃草料，客气话。

[4] 西瓦子——瓦子就是瓦舍。西瓦子，某地西边的瓦舍。

[5] 顶老——妓女、歌妓。

[6] 讨野火——火，指饭食；讨野火，犹如说打野食，就是找便宜的意思。

[7] 桩——倒栽。

CHAPTER 28. Shi En Reestablishes Himself at Mengzhou; Wu Song While Drunk Strikes Jiang, the Door God

“ELDER brother, please be seated,” said Shi En, “and I will tell you all the details of my grievances.”

“Sir, please select the more important part, and tell me that at once without any attempt at literary skill,” said Wu Song.

“In my youth I had a teacher who trained me so well that I got the nickname in the Mengzhou district of the ‘Golden Eyed Tiger Cub.’ Just outside the East Gate of this town there is a market place called ‘Kuaihuo Forest.’ The merchants there all come from Shandong and Hebei provinces. At that spot there are over one hundred inns and about thirty gambling dens, besides many money-changing shops. Previously I relied upon my athletic skill and opened an inn there where I employed about eighty criminals as assistants, and supplied all the gambling dens, shops, and inns with meat and wine. Moreover, all the prostitutes who came to that place had to see me first, and I controlled their affairs. I made plenty of money, and every month my income was about three hundred taels of silver.

“Recently a Drill Instructor named Zhang came here with a man named Jiang Zhong from East Luzhou. The latter is a tall fellow—over six feet high, and because of this, people give him the nickname Jiang the ‘Door God.’ He is quite skilled with lance and cudgel, and also at hand combat. He used to boast that no man is his equal in those matters, that for three years he has established himself with no rivalry and that no one throughout the empire can contend with him. He once fought with me over the Kuaihuo Forest and gave me such a beating that I was confined to my bed for two months. When you arrived here I had my head bandaged, and my arm in a sling, and even now I have not quite recovered. I was waiting until I could find a man who would fight him, because he has the soldiers from Drill Instructor Zhang who would easily repulse any attack that I could make. I am extremely annoyed because I cannot avenge myself. I have heard that you are a great hero, and if I could get you to help me against this boastful fellow and get my hatred satisfied, I would be contented even on my death. I was afraid that after your hard journey you would not be in good health so I gave instructions that you were to be fed and treated well. I would wait until you recover your full strength, and then we can discuss the matter. I did not expect that my servant would have broached the matter so soon, but as he has told you, I cannot conceal the real situation from you.”

“How many heads and arms has this Jiang the ‘Door God’?” asked Wu Song laughingly.

“Of course,” replied Shi En, “he has only one head and two arms. How could he have more?”

Wu Song laughed again and said, “I thought that perhaps he had three heads and six arms, like Nezha, son of Li Jing, but as he is only an ordinary man why should I be afraid of him?”71

“As I have no particular skill I cannot oppose him successfully,” said Shi En.

“I do not wish to boast, but I am always confident in my own skill to fight the strong but evil men of the empire. Now this being the case why should I remain here? I will go straightway without waiting for another drink. You come with me, and see how I crush that beast. I will forfeit my life if I happen to kill him with my fist.”

“Elder brother, please wait a bit,” said Shi En, “until my father arrives. If he approves of our plan you can go. We must not be reckless in this matter. We had better send a man tomorrow to inquire whether Jiang the ‘Door God’ is at home, and if he is there then we can go the following day, and if he is not there then of course we shall have to wait. If we went there without preparation it would only scare him out of his cover, and he would be on his guard hereafter.”

Wu Song was anxious to go, and said, “Sir, do you think he would try to hit me if I went there? Is this a man’s job? Let us go at once and not wait for any tomorrow. If we are decided then we must go at once, and not be afraid of any preparation he may make.”

Shi En could not induce him to alter his mind, and just as he had given up the idea, the warden came from behind a screen close to where they were sitting, and said, “Hero, I have been eavesdropping for some time. Today I am very fortunate in meeting such a hero. My son is as enlightened as beholding the sun blazing forth from a cloudy sky. I request you to come with me to an inner room where we can have a chat for a short time.”

They accordingly adjourned to the inner room where the warden asked Wu Song to be seated, but the latter declined as he was a criminal, and dared not be seated in the presence of an official.

“Do not talk like that,” replied the warden. “Hero, my stupid son has been extremely fortunate in meeting you so why should you be so polite?”

Wu Song begged to be excused, and then sat down, but asked why Shi En should not also sit down.

“My father is sitting with you, please do not worry about me.”

“If you remain standing I shall not feel comfortable,” said Wu Song.

“Hero,” said the old warden, “as you take things like this I will ask my son to be seated, seeing that there is no other person present.”

The servant brought in wine, food, and fruit, and the old man personally offered a cup of wine to Wu Song, and said, “Hero, who would not pay respect to such a brave man as you? Previously my son was engaged in some business at the Kuaihuo Forest, not for coveting wealth and profits, but to improve the prospects of the town, and add something to the atmosphere there. It was unexpected that such a man as Jiang the ‘Door God,’ relying solely on his brutal strength, could have taken the trade from him, This injury and wrong would never be avenged without such a hero and righteous warrior as you. I hope that you will not forsake my son, and if you will pledge me by drinking this cupful of wine, my son will give you four kowtows, and respect you as his elder brother.”

“I am not skillful in arms so how dare I receive your son’s respects? If I should vainty would ruin my chances of old age.” He however drank the wine, and Shi En kowtowed to him four times. Wu Song hurriedly returned the respects, and made a sign of their brotherhood.

That day Wu Song was very happy, and so drunk that he had to be led to his room by a servant.

The next day the old official spoke to his son, Shi En, “Yesterday Wu Song got quite intoxicated so how can we ask him to start on that errand? We had better get a man to tell him that Jiang the ‘Door God,’ is away from home just now, and that he had better wait for a day or two.”

So Shi En went himself to Wu Song, and spoke to that effect. He said they might start off the following day.

“Tomorrow will do just as well,” said Wu Song. “But I have to keep my anger for one day.”

So after they had had breakfast they went together for a stroll in front of the hall. They discussed matters relating to military drill, fencing, and fighting. At noon they had their meal together, and Shi En noticed that Wu Song was liable to get drunk again before the day was out so he served few cups of wine. After lunch they both retired to their own quarters. Two servants brought hot water for Wu Song to have a bath. Wu Song asked them, “How is it that at lunch there was such a lot of food and so little wine?”

“We dare not deceive you,” replied the servants. “This morning the old warden and his son were talking about you. They noticed that you had drunk a lot of wine, and they were afraid that if you had plenty of wine today it might delay the business they have in view for you. Therefore they did not offer you much wine. Tomorrow they will certainly ask you to undertake that affair.”

“It means that if I get drunk the matter will be spoiled?”

“That is what they thought,” replied the servant.

That night Wu Song awaited the daybreak with impatience. As soon as it was daylight he got up, and after a wash, put on a turban with a “Wan” swastika decoration; a coat of yellow color with a waist belt of red silk; hempen shoes, with puttees folded up to the knees. He told the servant to bring him a plaster which he put on his face to cover the branded mark there indicating that he was a criminal.

Shi En soon came, and invited him to have breakfast with them. After the meal Shi En told him that there was a horse standing at a trough at the back, ready for him to ride.

“My feet are not small,” said Wu Song, “so why should I ride? There is one matter however that I should like you to attend to.”

“Elder brother, speak plainly, as there is nothing that I would not do for you.”

“When you go with me outside the town I want you to give me a ‘don’t pass one without three.’”

“What is that?” asked Shi En. “I do not understand you.”

Wu Song laughed and replied, “I will tell you. When you want me to fight Jiang the ‘Door God,’ you will invite me to drink three cups of wine at each inn we pass by on our way. If I do not get three cups of wine then I shall not be able to go any further. That is the meaning of ‘don’t pass one without three.’”

Shi En said, “From here to the Kuaihuo Forest is about five li, and on the way there are about twelve inns. So if you have three cups at each inn that will be thirty-six cups of wine before we get there. You will get drunk, and that will make you unable to succeed in the matter.”

Wu Song laughed, and said, “Are you afraid that I will get drunk, and then not be able to do the work? But if I get no wine I shall be unable to act. If I have only a little wine I cannot do much business; if I get only half I can do only half; but if I get a full quantity I can exert all my strength and skill and do anything. If I get drunk I have great courage. If I had not been drunk how could I have killed the tiger on Jingyang Ridge? When I fight with Jiang the ‘Door God,’ I must be drunk, and then I shall be able to exert my power to the full.”

“I did not know that you were like this,” said Shi En. “We have plenty of good wine here, but I was afraid that if you get drunk, you would not be able to attend to business. Therefore last night I did not offer you, my elder brother, much wine. But as things are as you say, then I will tell two servants to get a good supply of wine, and eatables, and take them ahead so that you can partake of them stage by stage on our journey.”

“That is just my idea,” said Wu Song, “and it will encourage me in fighting against Jiang the ‘Door God.’ If I had no wine how could I exert all my skill? Now let me give him a good beating today so that many people will have a loud cheer.”

So Shi En prepared a lot of wine and food, and also plenty of cash, and sent two servants with them in advance. His father also secretly selected about twenty stout men to form a rear guard in case of need.

Shi En started off with Wu Song, and when they were about three hundred paces from the East Gate of Mengzhou they saw an inn at the side of the road. There they found the two servants, who spread the food and wine on a table. Shi En invited Wu Song to sit down and partake of the feast.

“I do not want small cups,” said Wu Song. “Bring me three big bowls.”

The servants brought three large cups, and filled them with wine. Wu Song without any ceremony drank the wine, and immediately got up. The servants hurriedly packed up the things, and went off again ahead of Wu Song.

Wu Song laughed, and said that he now felt much better in his stomach. They started off again. It was then the month of July, and the weather was very hot, with refreshing breezes. They loosened their coats. They had not gone a third of a li when they came to a few houses on the roadside, and there among some trees was another inn. Upon coming closer they saw that it was a small inn which sold homemade wine.

Shi En stopped and asked, “This is only a very small inn—shall we stop here?”

“It will do. I will drink only three cups of wine,” said Wu Song. “If I cannot get three cups of wine we cannot go on.”

They entered the inn, and the servants again spread the food and wine on the table. Wu Song again drank three cups of wine. The servants packed up the things, and went on ahead.

The two men resumed their journey, but they had not gone a li before they came to another inn. There again Wu Song drank three large cups of wine. We need not recite how many times they went through this process of drinking wine, but after about ten inns Shi En saw to his surprise that Wu Song was by no means drunk.

Wu Song at last asked how far they were from the Kuaihuo Forest Village. Shi En replied that it was in the forest which they could now see in the distance. Wu Song asked Shi En to wait for him in some other place as he would go himself and find his man. Shi En agreed to this, but he asked Wu Song not to treat his opponent too lightly.

“Never mind,” said Wu Song. “Let these two servants go with me, and show me the way. If we come to any more inns however, I will still stop and drink wine.”

Shi En instructed the servants accordingly, and he then departed.

In the next li Wu Song drank about ten cups of wine. It was getting near noon, and the day was very hot with only a little cooling breeze. Wu Song was beginning to feel the effect of the wine, and he unloosened his clothes. He was not quite drunk, but pretended to be intoxicated and staggered along. When they reached the forest the servants pointed out the inn belonging to Jiang the ‘Door God,’ which was at a crossroad.

Wu Song told the servants to hide themselves some distance away, and that they were only to come for him when he had given Jiang a good beating. He then entered the forest by the back entrance. He came across a very big man, dressed in a white silk gown, with a fly whisk in his hand. He was seated in a chair in the shade of an ash tree. Wu Song exaggerated his stumbling gait, but did not omit to steal glances at the man whom he thought must be Jiang the ‘Door God.’ Wu Song however continued on his way, and he had not gone more than about fifty strides when he came to the crossroad where there was an inn with a long pole sticking out from the eaves flying a cloth flag bearing four characters meaning, “Delectable Snuggery.” As he came to the front he saw a green varnished railing, with two flags on which were golden characters, reading:

“When, drunk the universe seems big,

In the pot there is plenty of time.”

On the one hand inside the railing was a stall with meat, and a large chopping block, with knives, choppers, etc. On the other side was a stall with bread on it, and a steam stove. Further inside were three big jars arranged in a line half sunk into the ground and half full of wine. In the center of the room there was a counter with a young woman sitting behind it. She was Jiang the ‘Door God’s concubine, and had previously been a singsong girl. Looking askance at the girl Wu Song entered the room, and sat down on a chair just opposite to the counter. He placed both hands on the table, and deliberately stared at the girl. She turned her head away. Wu Song saw that there were about seven waiters in the inn. He tapped the table and called out, “Where is the proprietor of this establishment?”

A waiter came forward and asked Wu Song how much wine he wanted.

“I want four cups of wine,” replied Wu Song, “just to see what it tastes like.”

The waiter went to the counter, and got the wine from the girl, and placed it in a pan of hot water over a fire to warm. When quite warm he served it to Wu Song who smelt at it, shook his head and said, “Bad! Bad! Bad! Bring some better stuff!”

The waiter thought that Wu Song was drunk, and he went to the counter again, and whispered to the girl, “Please change this wine for him.” The girl changed the wine for a better quality, and the waiter warmed it at the fire as before. When he served it Wu Song tasted it, and said, “This is also bad! Change it at once, and I will let you off this time.”

The waiter smothered his rising anger, and went to the counter and said to the girl, “Please change this wine again and don’t be captious with him. He is evidently drunk, and is in a quarrelsome mood.” The girl changed it for a still better quality, and the waiter heated it on the fire as before. He served it to Wu Song who drank it, and said that it was much better. He then asked the waiter what was the name of his master. When Wu Song heard that it was Jiang, he asked why it was not Li. The girl hearing this called out: “Where did this man get drunk, and comes here to try and make trouble?”

The waiter remarked, “He is evidently a yokel from some other village, and he is just farting, not saying anything important.”

“What do you say?” asked Wu Song.

The waiter replied: “We are just talking between ourselves. Guest, take no notice, and just drink your wine.”

“Waiter, tell that girl at the counter to come here and drink wine with me.”

“Don’t be absurd!” said the waiter. “She is the wife of the proprietor.”

“What does it matter if she is?” replied Wu Song. “It is not a serious thing if she drinks wine with me.”

“You are dead!” yelled the girl. “You are a deadman!” Instantly she pushed open the wicket in the counter, and came forward. Wu Song jumped up, stripped off his upper garments, and tied them round his waist. Throwing a bowl of wine on the floor, he stepped towards the girl, and seized hold of her. His grip was so forceful that she could not move. One hand was round her waist, and the other hand stripped the ornaments off her head and dashed them to pieces on the ground. He then grasped her hair, lifted her over the counter, and dropped her in one of the wine kangs. There was a great splash of wine, and it was really pitiable to see the girl in such a position. There were several waiters who now rushed to attack Wu Song. But Wu Song was in no hurry. As they came up he quietly seized them, and dropped them one by one into the wine jars. Two of them he knocked down with his foot or fist. Those in the jars could not get out, and the two he had knocked down could not get up. They were all in a mess. One servant had however run away, and Wu Song knew that he was going to report the affair to Jiang the ‘Door God,’ so he went after him. He thought if he met him on the way it would only be an opportunity for people to watch the fun and enjoy the sport.

The servant told Jiang the ‘Door God,’ who was startled, and jumped up knocking over the chair. He threw down his fly whisk and hurried off. He soon met Wu Song at a place where the road was quite wide. Jiang had been indulging in women and wine so that he was not strong and was startled at this unexpectedness. He saw that Wu Song was approaching like a tiger, and began to wonder how he should deal with him. He noticed that the latter appeared to be drunk so he decided upon a sudden attack. The movements of both were very rapid. Wu Song first shook both fists at Jiang, but stepped quickly to one side. Jiang angrily sprang forward, but Wu Song whizzed round and kicked Jiang in the crotch. Jiang clasped both hands to his crotch and stooped down. Wu Song kicked again, and striking Jiang on the forehead, knocked him backwards. Taking a step forward Wu Song planted his foot on Jiang’s breast, and then stooped down to hit him in the face with both his great fists. Wu Song’s methods of using his fists and feet is called, the “Jeweled Ring Swing” and the “Mandarin Duck Kick,” and in both of these he was quite an expert.

Jiang still lying on the ground pleaded for mercy. Wu Song replied that if he wanted to save his life he must agree to do three things.

Jiang asked to be forgiven and said that instead of three Wu Song could make three hundred demands, and all would be agreed to.

Disguise is useful when one meets,

A bully who will disdain reason;

The hair is cut; the eyebrows trimmed,

When death demands a quick conclusion.

We will now relate what were the terms that Wu Song laid down.

Footnote

71 Nezha, a Taoist deity born of mortal parents.