第六十五回

第六十五回 贾二舍偷娶尤二姨 尤三姐思嫁柳二郎

话说贾琏、贾珍、贾蓉三人商议，事事妥帖，至初二日，先将尤老和三姐送入新房。尤老一看，虽不似贾蓉口内之言，也十分齐备，母女二人已称了心。鲍二夫妇见了如一盆火，赶着尤老一口一声唤老娘，又或是老太太；赶着三姐唤三姨，或是姨娘。至次日五更天，一乘素轿，将二姐抬来。各色香烛纸马，并铺盖以及酒饭，早已备得十分妥当。一时，贾琏素服坐了小轿而来，拜过天地，焚了纸马。那尤老见二姐身上头上焕然一新，不似在家模样，十分得意。搀入洞房。是夜贾琏同他颠鸾倒凤，百般恩爱，不消细说。

那贾琏越看越爱，越瞧越喜，不知要怎生奉承这二姐，乃命鲍二等人不许提三说二的，直以奶奶称之，自己也称奶奶，竟将凤姐一笔勾倒。有时回家中，只说在东府有事羁绊，凤姐辈因知他和贾珍相得，自然是或有事商议，也不疑心。再家下人虽多，都不管这些事。便有那游手好闲专打听小事的人，也都去奉承贾琏，乘机讨些便宜，谁肯去露风。于是贾琏深感贾珍不尽。贾琏一月出五两银子做天天的供给。若不来时，他母女三人一处吃饭；若贾琏来了，他夫妻二人一处吃，他母女便回房自吃。贾琏又将自己积年所有的梯己，一并搬了与二姐收着，又将凤姐素日之为人行事，枕边衾内尽情告诉了他，只等一死，便接他进去。二姐听了，自是愿意。当下十来个人，倒也过起日子来，十分丰足。

眼见已是两个月光景。这日贾珍在铁槛寺作完佛事，晚间回家时，因与他姨妹久别，竟要去探望探望。先命小厮去打听贾琏在与不在，小厮回来说不在。贾珍欢喜，将左右一概先遣回去，只留两个心腹小童牵马。一时，到了新房，已是掌灯时分，悄悄入去。两个小厮将马拴在圈内，自往下房去听候。

贾珍进来，屋内才点灯，先看过了尤氏母女，然后二姐出见，贾珍仍唤二姨。大家吃茶，说了一回闲话。贾珍因笑说：“我作的这保山如何？若错过了，打着灯笼还没处寻，过日你姐姐还备了礼来瞧你们呢。”说话之间，尤二姐已命人预备下酒馔，关起门来，都是一家人〔一〕，原无避讳。那鲍二来请安，贾珍便说：“你还是个有良心的小子，所以叫你来服侍。日后自有大用你之处，不可在外头吃酒生事。我自然赏你。倘或这里短了什么，你琏二爷事多，那里人杂，你只管去回我。我们弟兄不比别人。”鲍二答应道：“是，小的知道。若小的不尽心，除非不要这脑袋了。”贾珍点头说：“要你知道。”当下四人一处吃酒。

尤二姐知局[3]，便邀他母亲说：“我怪怕的，妈同我到那边走走来。”尤老也会意，便真个同他出来，只剩小丫头们。贾珍便和三姐挨肩擦脸，百般轻薄起来。小丫头子们看不过，也都躲了出去，凭他两个自在取乐，不知作些什么勾当。

跟的两个小厮都在厨下和鲍二饮酒，鲍二女人上灶。忽见两个丫头也走了来嘲笑，要吃酒。鲍二因说：“姐儿们不在上头服侍，也偷来了。一时叫起来没人，又是事。”他女人骂道：“胡涂浑呛了的忘八！你撞丧[4]那黄汤罢。撞丧醉了，夹着你那膫子挺你的尸去。叫不叫，与你屄相干！一应有我承当，风雨横竖洒不着你头上来。”这鲍二原因妻子发迹的，近日越发亏他。自己除赚钱吃酒之外，一概不管，贾琏等也不肯责备他，故他视妻如母，百依百随，且吃够了便去睡觉。这里鲍二家的陪着这些丫鬟小厮吃酒，讨他们的好，准备在贾珍前上好。

四人正吃的高兴，忽听扣门之声，鲍二家的忙出来开门，看见是贾琏下马，问有事无事。鲍二女人便悄悄告他说：“大爷在这里西院里呢。”贾琏听了，便回至卧房。只见尤二姐和他母亲都在房中，见他来了，二人面上便有些讪讪的。贾琏反推不知，只命：“快拿酒来，咱们吃两杯好睡觉。我今日很乏了。”尤二姐忙上来陪笑接衣奉茶，问长问短。贾琏喜的心痒难受。一时鲍二家的端上酒来，二人对饮。他丈母不吃，自回房中睡去了。两个小丫头分了一个过来服侍。

贾琏的心腹小童隆儿拴马去，见已有了一匹马，细瞧一瞧，知是贾珍的，心下会意，也来厨下。只见喜儿寿儿两个正在那里坐着吃酒，见他来了，也都会意，故笑道：“你这会子来的巧。我们因赶不上爷的马，恐怕犯夜[5]，往这里来借宿一宵的。”隆儿便笑道：“有的是炕，只管睡。我是二爷使我送月银的，交给了奶奶，我也不回去了。”喜儿便说：“我们吃多了，你来吃一钟。”隆儿才坐下，端起杯来，忽听马棚内闹将起来。原来二马同槽，不能相容，互相蹶踢起来。隆儿等慌的忙放下酒杯，出来喝马，好容易喝住，另拴好了，方进来。鲍二家的笑说：“你三人就在这里罢，茶也现成了，我可去了。”说着，带门出去。

这里喜儿喝了几杯，已是楞子眼了。隆儿寿儿关了门，回头见喜儿直挺挺的仰卧炕上，二人便推他说：“好兄弟，起来好生睡，只顾你一个人，我们就苦了。”那喜儿便说道：“咱们今儿可要公公道道的贴一炉子烧饼，要有一个充正经的人，我痛把你妈一肏。”隆儿寿儿见他醉了，也不便多说，只得吹了灯，将就睡下。

尤二姐听见马闹，心下便不自安，只管用言语混乱贾琏。那贾琏吃了几杯，春兴发作，便命收了酒果，掩门宽衣。尤二姐只穿着大红小袄，散挽乌云，满脸春色，比白日更增了颜色。贾琏搂他笑道：“人人都说我们那夜叉婆齐整，如今我看来，给你拾鞋也不要。”尤二姐道：“我虽标致，却无品行。看来到底是不标致的好。”贾琏忙问道：“这话如何说？我却不解。”尤二姐滴泪说道：“你们拿我作愚人待，什么事我不知。我如今和你作了两个月夫妻，日子虽浅，我也知你不是愚人。我生是你的人，死是你的鬼，如今既作了夫妻，我终身靠你，岂敢瞒藏一字。我算是有靠，将来我妹子却如何结果？据我看来，这个形景恐非长策，要作长久之计方可。”贾琏听了，笑道：“你且放心，我不是拈酸吃醋之辈。前事我已尽知，你也不必惊慌。你因妹夫倒是作兄的〔二〕，自然不好意思，不如我去破了这例。”说着走了，便至西院中来，只见窗内灯烛辉煌，二人正吃酒取乐。

贾琏便推门进去，笑说：“大爷在这里，兄弟来请安。”贾珍羞的无话，只得起身让坐。贾琏忙笑道：“何必又作如此景象，咱们弟兄从前是如何样来！大哥为我操心，我今日粉身碎骨，感激不尽。大哥若多心，我意何安。从此以后，还求大哥如昔方好；不然，兄弟能可[7]绝后，再不敢到此处来了。”说着，便要跪下。慌的贾珍连忙搀起，只说：“兄弟怎么说，我无不领命。”贾琏忙命人：“看酒来，我和大哥吃两杯。”又拉尤三姐说：“你过来，陪小叔子一杯。”贾珍笑着说：“老二，到底是你，哥哥必要吃干这钟。”说着，一扬脖。

尤三姐站在炕上，指贾琏笑道：“你不用和我花马吊嘴[8]的，清水下杂面，你吃我看见[9]。见提着影戏人子[10]上场，好歹别戳破这层纸儿。你别油蒙了心，打谅我们不知道你府上的事。这会子花了几个臭钱，你们哥儿俩拿着我们姐儿两个权当粉头来取乐儿，你们就打错了算盘了。我也知道你那老婆太难缠，如今把我姐姐拐了来做二房，偷的锣儿敲不得。我也要会会那凤奶奶去，看他是几个脑袋几只手。若大家好取和便罢；倘若有一点叫人过不去，我有本事先把你两个的牛黄狗宝[11]掏了出来，再和那泼妇拼了这命，也不算是尤三姑奶奶！喝酒怕什么，咱们就喝！”说着，自己绰起壶来斟了一杯，自己先喝了半杯，搂过贾琏的脖子来就灌，说：“我和你哥哥已经吃过了，咱们来亲香亲香。”唬的贾琏酒都醒了。

贾珍也不承望尤三姐这等无耻老辣。弟兄两个本是风月场中耍惯的，不想今日反被这闺女一席话说住。尤三姐一叠声又叫：“将姐姐请来，要乐咱们四个一处同乐。俗语说‘便宜不过当家’，他们是弟兄，咱们是姊妹，又不是外人，只管上来。”尤二姐反不好意思起来。贾珍得便就要一溜，尤三姐那里肯放。贾珍此时方后悔，不承望他是这种为人，与贾琏反不好轻薄起来。

这尤三姐松松挽着头发，大红袄子半掩半开，露着葱绿抹胸，一痕雪脯。底下绿裤红鞋，一对金莲[12]或翘或并，没半刻斯文。两个坠子却似打秋千一般，灯光之下，越显得柳眉笼翠雾，檀口点丹砂。本是一双秋水眼，再吃了酒，又添了饧涩淫浪，不独将他二姊压倒，据珍琏评去，所见过的上下贵贱若干女子，皆未有此绰约风流者。二人已酥麻如醉，不禁去招他一招，他那淫态风情，反将二人禁住。那尤三姐放出手眼来略试了一试，他弟兄两个竟全然无一点别识别见，连口中一句响亮话都没了，不过是酒色二字而已。自己高谈阔论，任意挥霍洒落一阵，拿他弟兄二人嘲笑取乐，竟真是他嫖了男人，并非男人淫了他。一时他的酒足兴尽，也不容他弟兄多坐，撵了出去，自己关门睡去了。

自此后，或略有丫鬟婆娘不到之处，便将贾琏、贾珍、贾蓉三个泼声厉言痛骂，说他爷儿三个诓骗了他寡妇孤女。贾珍回去之后，以后亦不敢轻易再来，有时尤三姐自己高了兴悄命小厮来请，方敢去一会，到了这里，也只好随他的便。谁知这尤三姐天生脾气不堪，仗着自己风流标致，偏要打扮的出色，另式作出许多万人不及的淫情浪态来，哄的男子们垂涎落魄，欲近不能，欲远不舍，迷离颠倒，他以为乐。

他母姊二人也十分相劝，他反说：“姐姐糊涂。咱们金玉一般的人，白叫这两个现世宝沾污了去，也算无能。而且他家有一个极利害的女人，如今瞒着他不知，咱们方安。倘或一日他知道了，岂有干休之理，势必有一场大闹，不知谁生谁死。趁如今我不拿他们取乐作践准折，到那时白落个臭名，后悔不及。”因此一说，他母女见不听劝，也只得罢了。那尤三姐天天挑拣穿吃，打了银的，又要金的；有了珠子，又要宝石；吃的肥鹅，又宰肥鸭。或不趁心，连桌一推；衣裳不如意，不论绫缎新整，便用剪刀剪碎，撕一条，骂一句，究竟贾珍等何曾随意了一日，反花了许多昧心钱。

贾琏来了，只在二姐房内，心中也悔上来。无奈二姐倒是个多情人，以为贾琏是终身之主了，凡事倒还知疼着痒。若论起温柔和顺，凡事必商必议，不敢恃才自专，实较凤姐高十倍；若论标致，言谈行事，也胜五分。虽然如今改过，但已经失了脚，有了一个“淫”字，凭他有甚好处也不算了。偏这贾琏又说：“谁人无错，知过必改就好。”故不提已往之淫，只取现今之善，便如胶授漆，似水如鱼，一心一计，誓同生死，那里还有凤平二人在意了！

二姐在枕边衾内，也常劝贾琏说：“你和珍大哥商议商议，拣个相熟的人，把三丫头聘了罢。留着他不是常法子，终久要生出事来怎么处？”贾琏道：“前日我曾回过大哥的，他只是舍不得。我说‘是块肥羊肉，只是烫的慌；玫瑰花儿可爱，刺大扎手。咱们未必降的住，正经拣个人聘了罢’。他只意意思思，就丢开手了。你叫我有何法。”二姐道：“你放心。咱们明日先劝三丫头，他肯了，让他自己闹去。闹的无法，少不得聘他。”贾琏听了说：“这话极是。”

至次日，二姐另备了酒，贾琏也不出门，至午间特请他小妹过来，与他母亲上坐。尤三姐便知其意，酒过三巡，不用姐姐开口，先便滴泪泣道：“姐姐今日请我，自有一番道理要说。但妹子不是那愚人，也不用絮絮叨叨提那从前丑事，我已尽知，说也无益。既如今姐姐也得了好处安身，妈也有了安身之处，我也要自寻归结去，方是正理。但终身大事，一生至一死，非同儿戏。我如今改过守分，只要我拣一个素日可心如意的人方跟他去。若凭你们拣择，虽是富比石崇，才过子建，貌比潘安[13]的，我心里进不去，也白过了一世。”

贾琏笑道：“这也容易。凭你说是谁就是谁，一应彩礼都有我们置办，母亲也不用操心。”尤三姐泣道：“姐姐知道，不用我说。”贾琏笑问二姐是谁，二姐一时也想不起来。大家想来，贾琏便料定是此人无疑了，便拍手笑道：“我知道了！这人原不差，果然好眼力〔三〕。”二姐笑问是谁，贾琏笑道：“别人他如何进得去，一定是宝玉。”二姐与尤老听了，亦以为然。尤三姐便啐了一口，道：“我们有姊妹十个，也嫁你弟兄十个不成。难道除了你家，天下就没了好男子了不成！”众人听了都诧异：“除去他，还有那一个？”尤三姐笑道：“别只在眼前想，姐姐只在五年前想就是了。”

正说着，忽见贾琏的心腹小厮兴儿走来请贾琏说：“老爷那边紧等着叫爷呢。小的答应往舅老爷那边去了，小的连忙来请。”贾琏又忙问：“昨日家里没人问？”兴儿道：“小的回奶奶说，爷在家庙里同珍大爷商议作百日的事，只怕不能来家。”贾琏忙命拉马，隆儿跟随去了，留下兴儿答应人来事务。

尤二姐拿了两碟菜，命拿大杯斟了酒，就命兴儿在炕沿下蹲着吃，一长一短向他说话儿。问他家里奶奶多大年纪，怎个利害的样子，老太太多大年纪，太太多大年纪，姑娘几个，各样家常等语。兴儿笑嘻嘻的在炕沿下一头吃，一头将荣府之事备细告诉他母女。又说：“我是二门上该班的人。我们共是两班，一班四个，共是八个。这八个人有几个是奶奶的心腹，有几个是爷的心腹。奶奶的心腹我们不敢惹，爷的心腹奶奶的就敢惹。提起我们奶奶来，心里歹毒，口里尖快。我们二爷也算是个好的，那里见得他。倒是跟前的平姑娘为人很好，虽然和奶奶一气，他倒背着奶奶常作些个好事。小的们凡有了不是，奶奶是容不过的，只求求他去就完了。如今合家大小除了老太太、太太两个人，没有不恨他的，只不过面子情儿怕他。皆因他一时看的人都不及他，只一味哄着老太太、太太两个人喜欢。他说一是一，说二是二，没人敢拦他。又恨不得把银子钱省下来堆成山，好叫老太太、太太说他会过日子，殊不知苦了下人，他讨好儿。估着有好事，他就不等别人去说，他先抓尖儿；或有了不好的事，或他自己错了，他便一缩头推到别人身上来，他还在旁边拨火儿。如今连他正经婆婆大太太都嫌了他，说他‘雀儿拣着旺处飞，黑母鸡一窝儿，自家的事不管，倒替人家去瞎张罗’。若不是老太太在头里，早叫过他去了。”

尤二姐笑道：“你背着他这等说他，将来你又不知怎么说我呢。我又差他一层儿，越发有的说了。”兴儿忙跪下说道：“奶奶要这样说，小的不怕雷打！但凡小的们有造化起来，先娶奶奶〔四〕时若得了奶奶这样的人，小的们也少挨些打骂，也少提心吊胆的。如今跟爷的这几个人，谁不背前背后称扬奶奶盛德怜下。我们商量着叫二爷要出来，情愿来答应奶奶呢。”尤二姐笑道：“猴儿肏的，还不起来呢。说句顽话，就唬的那样起来。你们作什么来，我还要找了你奶奶去呢。”兴儿连忙摇手说：“奶奶千万不要去。我告诉奶奶，一辈子别见他才好。嘴甜心苦，两面三刀；上头一脸笑，脚下使绊子；明是一盆火，暗是一把刀：都占全了。只怕三姨的这张嘴还说他不过。奶奶这样斯文良善人，那里是他的对手！”尤氏笑道：“我只以礼待他，他敢怎么样！”

兴儿道：“不是小的吃了酒放肆胡说，奶奶便有礼让，他看见奶奶比他标致，又比他得人心，他怎肯干休善罢？人家是醋罐子，他是醋缸醋瓮。凡丫头们二爷多看一眼，他有本事当着爷打个烂羊头。虽然平姑娘在屋里，大约一年二年之间两个有一次到一处，他还要口里掂十个过子〔五〕呢，气的平姑娘性子发了，哭闹一阵，说：‘又不是我自己寻来的，你又浪着劝我，我原不依，你反说我反了，这会子又这样。’他一般的也罢了，倒央告平姑娘。”尤二姐笑道：“可是扯谎？这样一个夜叉，怎么反怕屋里的人呢？”兴儿道：“这就是俗语说的‘天下逃不过一个理字去’〔六〕了。这平儿是他自幼的丫头，陪了过来一共四个，嫁人的嫁人，死的死了，只剩了这个心腹。他原为收了屋里，一则显他贤良名儿，二则又拴爷的心，好不外头走邪的。又还有一段因果：我们家的规矩，凡爷们大了，未娶亲之先都先放两个人服侍的。二爷原有两个，谁知他来了没半年，都寻出不是来，都打发出去了。别人虽不好说，自己脸上过不去，所以强逼着平姑娘作了房里人。那平姑娘又是个正经人，从不把这一件事放在心上，也不会挑妻窝夫的，倒一味忠心赤胆服侍他，才容下了。”

尤二姐笑道：“原来如此。但我听见你们家还有一位寡妇奶奶和几位姑娘。他这样利害，这些人如何依得？”兴儿拍手笑道：“原来奶奶〔七〕不知道。我们家这位寡妇奶奶，他的浑名叫作‘大菩萨’，第一个善德人。我们家的规矩又大，寡妇奶奶们不管事，只宜清净守节。妙在姑娘又多，只把姑娘们交给他，看书写字，学针线，学道理，这是他的责任。除此，问事不知，说事不管。只因这一向他病了，事多，这大奶奶暂管几日。究竟也无可管，不过是按例而行，不像他多事逞才。我们大姑娘不用说，但凡不好也没这段大福了。二姑娘的浑名是‘二木头’，戳一针也不知嗳哟一声。三姑娘的浑名是‘玫瑰花’。”尤氏姊妹忙笑问何意。兴儿笑道：“玫瑰花又红又香，无人不爱的，只是刺戳手。也是一位神道[19]，可惜不是太太养的，‘老鸹窝里出凤凰’。四姑娘小，他正经是珍大爷的亲妹子，因自幼无母，老太太命太太抱过来养这么大，也是一位不管事的。奶奶不知道，我们家的姑娘不算，另外有两个姑娘，真是天上少有，地下无双。一个是咱们姑太太的女儿，姓林，小名儿叫什么黛玉，面庞身段和三姨不差什么，一肚子文章，只是一身多病，这样的天，还穿夹的，出来风儿一吹就倒了。我们这起没王法的嘴都悄悄的叫他‘多病西施’。还有一位姨太太的女儿，姓薛，叫什么宝钗，竟是雪堆出来的。每常出门或上车，或一时院子里瞥见一眼，我们鬼使神差，见了他两个，不敢出气儿。”尤二姐笑道：“你们大家规矩，虽然你们小孩子进的去，然遇见小姐们，原该远远藏开。”兴儿摇手道：“不是，不是。那正经大礼，自然远远的藏开，自不必说。就藏开了，自己不敢出气，是生怕这气大了，吹倒了姓林的；气暖了，吹化了姓薛的。”说的满屋里都笑起来了。不知端详，且听下回分解。

[1] 二舍——舍：即舍人，原是官名。宋元以来俗称贵族官僚子弟为舍人。二舍：犹言二公子，二少爷。

〔一〕 “一家人”，原“家”系“个”字点改。己卯、蒙府、戚序本作“一个人”。梦稿、俄藏、甲辰本作“一家人”，从。

[3] 知局——知趣；识相。

[4] 撞丧——同嗓（chuánɡ sɑnɡ），狂吃滥饮之谓。

[5] 犯夜——干犯夜行禁例。古法城中宵禁，不准夜行。

〔二〕 “你因妹夫倒是作兄的”，底本系由“你因妹夫是作弟”点改。己卯本原文与点改悉同。蒙府、戚序本作“你姐夫是作兄的”，甲辰本作“你姐夫是这么的”，梦稿本作“你因你姐夫，我是作兄弟的”，俄藏本作“你姐夫是来作事的”。今从己卯本及底本点改文字。

[7] 能可——宁可。

[8] 花马吊嘴——花言巧语；耍贫嘴，哄骗人。

[9] 清水下杂面，你吃我看见——杂面是绿豆渣子一类豆面做成的粗粮，很涩，没有油水难以下咽，因有“清水下杂面——我看你怎么吃”的歇后语。

[10] 影戏人子——也叫“影戏人儿”，影戏中用皮或纸剪的人物。

[11] 牛黄狗宝——两种中药，均为结石，前者生在病牛的胆内，后者长于癞狗的腹中。这里用来骂人，喻黑心肠，坏心思。

[12] 金莲——旧时称缠足妇女的小脚为金莲。古诗文中以“金莲”形容女子步姿之美。典出《南史》卷五《齐本纪下·废帝东昏侯记》：“又凿金为莲花以贴地，令潘妃行其上，曰‘此步步生莲花也’……”

[13] 富比石崇，才过子建，貌比潘安——石崇，字季伦，以豪富奢靡著称，见《晋书·石崇传》。曹植字子建，三国时诗人，有“才高八斗”之誉，见《南史·谢灵运传》。潘安即潘岳，晋人，古代著名美男子，见《世说新语·容止》。

〔三〕 “果然好眼力”，原作“果然不好眼力”，旁添为“果然不错，好眼力”，己卯本原文与点改悉同。今从梦稿、蒙府、戚序、甲辰本删。

〔四〕 “奶奶”，底本旁添作“二奶奶”，各本均作“奶奶”，从底本原文。

〔五〕 “掂十个过子”，原作“掂本过子”，“本”点改为“几个”。从己卯、梦稿、蒙府、戚序本改。

〔六〕 “逃不过一个理字去”，底本、己卯本作“挑不过礼字去”。梦稿本作“跳不过一个礼字去”。从蒙府、戚序本改。

〔七〕 “和几位姑娘……原来奶奶”二十七字，原无，下文“不知道”因文句不贯而点改为“兴儿道”。此段文字各本均存，个别文字有异，今从己卯、梦稿、甲辰本补。

[19] 神道——这里比喻有能耐、了不起的人物。

CHAPTER 65. Jia Lian’s second marriage is celebrated in secret And the future marriage of San-jie becomes a matter of speculation

By the second day of the month, the arrangements jointly agreed on by Jia Lian, Cousin Zhen and Jia Rong had been completed and Mrs You and San-jie moved into the new house. A brief inspection of it satisfied Mrs You that, if not quite what Jia Rong had led her to expect, it was at least excellently furnished, and it could be said that both she and San-jie were reasonably happy about the move. Bao Er and his wife could not do enough for them. It was ‘yes, milady’, ‘no, milady’ whenever they were talking to Mrs You; and San-jie, for the first time in her life, found herself being addressed as ‘Miss You’, or sometimes even as ‘madam’.

In the last watch of that same night, only an hour or two before the dawning of the third, Er-jie, seated in a plain chair without bridal trimmings, was carried to her new home. The incense and paper-offerings for the ceremony, the wedding-feast and marriage-bed had all been made ready long before she arrived. Jia Lian, also in a small, plain carrying-chair, arrived shortly afterwards. The bride and groom made their prostrations to Heaven and Earth, the paper offerings were set fire to, and Mrs You conducted her heavily-veiled daughter into the marriage-chamber, gratified to observe the transformation wrought by a completely new and expensive-looking outfit of clothes and jewellery.

The phoenix-gambollings of the nuptial couch and the mutual delight and cherishing which they engendered are here passed over. Suffice it to say that the more Jia Lian saw of Er-jie, the more he loved her, until the desire to make some gesture expressive of his feelings became overwhelming. All he could think of was to behave in every way as if Er-jie was his only wife and Xi-feng did not exist. He ordered Bao Er and his wife to call her ‘Mrs Lian’ and always referred to her himself in that way when he was speaking to them. When he went back to Xi-feng, as from time to time he was obliged to, he would tell her that he had been doing something at the Ning-guo mansion; and Xi-feng, knowing how well her husband got on with Cousin Zhen and how frequently he was consulted by him, suspected nothing. In spite of their numbers, few of the Rong-guo domestics concerned themselves much with Jia Lian’s activities, and even the few who had the time and curiosity to nose out what he had been up to were more anxious to win favours by playing up to him than to gamble on the uncertain advantages of giving away his secret. Everything seemed to be working out very smoothly and Jia Lian felt immensely grateful to Cousin Zhen for having made it all possible.

The allowance Jia Lian made to cover the day-to-day expenses of his little household was fifteen taels a month. On days when he was unable to come, Mrs You and her two daughters dined together. On days when he was there, he and Er-jie would dine together and Mrs You and San-jie would eat separately in their own room. Besides paying Er-jie the allowance, Jia Lian handed over all his private savings to her to look after for him. He told her everything about Xi-feng, down to the most intimate bedroom particulars, and promised her that as soon as Xi-feng died, she should move into the mansion and live there openly as his wife. It cannot be said that Er-jie found any of this displeasing. In the meantime the little household was managing very comfortably.

Two months passed quickly by. One evening, as Cousin Zhen was returning from a day of Buddhist ceremonies at the Temple of the Iron Threshold, he bethought him that it was some considerable time since he had enjoyed the company of the two You sisters and decided to pay them a visit. First, though, he sent a boy to the new house to find out if Jia Lian was there. Delighted when the boy brought back word that he was not, he ordered most of the servants to return to Ningguo House without him, keeping only his two most trusted pages to accompany him on foot to the Yous’ house. They did this walking one on either side of his horse’s head and holding on to his bridle.

It was already lighting-up time when they got there, but the courtyard gate was still open. Their arrival was so quiet and discreet that they managed to get inside it unobserved. The pages tied the horse up in the stable and took themselves off to the servants’ quarters to await further orders, while Cousin Zhen entered the living-room alone. He found San-jie and her mother sitting there. The lamp had just been lit. Shortly after he had finished exchanging greetings with them, Er-jie herself appeared and made him welcome. Tea was served. Cousin Zhen smiled over his cup at her as he sipped his tea.

‘Well, do you think I’d make a good marriage-broker? If the husband I picked for you is no good, I doubt I could find you a better! Your sister will be coming to see you shortly, by the bye, and bringing you a present.’

Er-jie had already given orders for food and wine to be brought and for the courtyard gate to be barred. Since their visitor was a member of the family, it seemed reasonable that the usual restraints should be relaxed. Presently Bao Er came in with some things and took the opportunity of offering his respects to Cousin Zhen.

‘You’re a good fellow, Bao,’ said Cousin Zhen affably. ‘I’m sure that’s why Mr Lian chose you for this job. No doubt there will be even more important work for you in the future. So don’t go drinking outside and getting yourself into trouble, will you? If you do as I tell you, I promise to make it worth your while. And let me know if there’s anything you want here. Mr Lian is a busy man, and not all the people in his household are to be trusted. It’s better to ask me. He and I are not only cousins, you know; we are also very good friends.’

‘Yes, sir. I shall do my best to give satisfaction, sir,’ said Bao Er. ‘I realize it would be more than my life is worth to get into any trouble.’

Cousin Zhen smiled and nodded.

‘Good. As long as you know.’

For some minutes the four of them sat drinking together; but Er-jie knew that it was not for a family evening that Cousin Zhen had come and soon found an excuse for getting herself and her mother out of the way. She told him that she had to go to the other side of the house for something and was afraid to do so on her own. As soon as she and Mrs You were out of the room, Cousin Zhen drew up closer to San-jie. His behaviour became so familiar that the two maids in attendance grew embarrassed and slipped off to the kitchen. They were content that Cousin Zhen and San-jie should enjoy themselves in any way they chose, Provided that they did not have to stay and watch.

Cousin Zhen’s two pages were all this time drinking with Bao Er in the kitchen, while the Mattress stood at the stove with her back to them. When the two maids burst in and began laughing and joking with the boys and asking to be given some wine, Bao Er was far from pleased.

‘What are you girls doing here? You ought to be in the sitting-room. Suppose they want service in there? There’ll be trouble.’

His wife turned round wrathfully from the stove.

‘Silly old fool! Why don’t you get your nose back into your winecup? The sooner you’re flat on your back snoring and your little winkle tucked up out of harm’s way, the better it’ll be for all of us! What’s it to do with you whether they want service in there or not? I’m here to see to all that. If there’s any rain falling it won’t fall on your head. So what are you worrying about?’

Bao Er was well aware that it was largely to his wife that he owed his favourable position with Jia Lian. He did little himself these days but draw his pay and drink his wine; but so exemplary was the Mattress’s service of Er-jie, that although Jia Lian knew of Bao Er’s failings, he had so far refrained from taking him to task about them out of consideration for her. Bao Er’s awareness of this kept him in obedient subjection to her. And so, when he heard himself addressed by her in this way, he merely drank a few more cups in silence and then took himself quietly off to bed.

The Mattress had a few drinks herself now with the pages and the two girls, anxious to make herself as agreeable as possible so that the pages would give a good report of her to Cousin Zhen. But just as this little party in the kitchen was beginning to warm up, it was interrupted by a sudden knocking at the gate. The Mattress hurried out and opened it as Jia Lian was dismounting from his horse. In answer to his question whether there was anything to report, she whispered into his ear that Mr Zhen had come and was at this very moment in the guest-room in the west courtyard. Jia Lian went straight to his own room, where he found Er-jie sitting with her mother. The two women seemed somewhat flustered by his arrival, but he pretended not to notice.

‘Bring us some wine,’ he told the Mattress. ‘I think I shall have a cup or two and then go to bed. I feel rather tired tonight.’

At once Er-jie was all over him, taking his coat, fetching him tea, asking him about his day – in short, showering on him all those little wifely attentions which so enchanted him. Presently the Mattress reappeared with their wine. Old Mrs You said that she did not want any and went off to bed. The two of them sat down together to drink it. One of the two maids, who had now been persuaded to resume their duties, came over from the kitchen to wait on them.

Meanwhile Jia Lian’s trusty servant Rich – the only attendant he had brought with him on this visit – had been tying his master’s horse up in the stable. Finding another horse there already, he was able on closer inspection to identify it and to deduce what the Mattress by her whispering had attempted to conceal from him: viz., that Cousin Zhen was somewhere on the premises. Sure enough, on going to the kitchen when he had finished tying up the horse, he found two of Cousin Zhen’s pages, Happy and Lively, sitting there drinking. They, too, when they saw him enter, realized that both their masters must be present; but neither party was going to admit what each knew the other one must know.

‘We couldn’t keep up with the master,’ said Happy and Lively, ‘and it was getting too dark to go home, so we came here to beg a night’s shelter.’

‘There’s plenty of room here for you to sleep,’ said Rich expansively. ‘Make yourselves at home. Actually I came here to bring the mistress her monthly allowance. Now that I’ve given it to her, I think I shall spend the night here as well.’

‘Come and have a drink then,’ said Happy. ‘We’ve had a lot to drink already.’

Rich sat down and poured himself some wine; but before he could drink any, there was a sound of neighing and trampling from the stable and he and Lively had to run out and shout at the horses. The two animals sharing the same manger had taken a dislike to each other and started kicking. It was only after a great deal of shouting and whoaing that the pages succeeded in quieting them and tying them up on separate sides of the stable.

While they were doing this, Happy was able to drink several more cups of wine, and by the time they got back into the kitchen, he was already glassy-eyed. The Mattress was evidently waiting for an opportunity to retire.

‘Well, boys,’ she said to them as they entered, ‘I’ll leave you to it then. I’ve made you a pot of tea, so you can help yourselves. I’m going off to bed.’

The boys were reluctant to let her go, and there was a good deal of kissing and fondling and noisy ribaldry before she finally succeeded in extricating herself. She closed the door behind her as she went, and Rich and Lively proceeded to bar it on the inside, preparatory to going to bed. When they went back to look at the kang, however, they found Happy sprawled out in the middle of it, already fast asleep.

‘Come on, there’s a good chap, get up and lie down again properly!’ they said, shaking him. ‘Don’t be so selfish! Where are we supposed to go?’

‘What about a bit of bum-cake?’ mumbled Happy, momentarily returning to consciousness. ‘Turn and turn about. Fair shares for all.’

The others, seeing that he was too drunk to reason with, blew the lamp out and settled themselves on either side of him as best they could.

The commotion in the stable had caused Er-jie’s apprehensiveness to return, but by forcing herself to keep up a flow of chatter, she succeeded in distracting Jia Lian’s attention away from it. So successful was she that, after a few more drinks, he began to grow amorous and, having first sent the girl off with the dirty things, proposed that they should bar the door for the night and begin undressing. Er-jie was beautiful at any time, but in only a crimson shift, with her fashionable coiffure shaken out into billowing black clouds and her face all soft and glowing with desire, she possessed an extra dimension of beauty that was not revealed in the daytime. He hugged her to him with a delighted laugh.

‘They’re always telling me how perfect that termagant wife of mine is,’ he said, ‘but the way you look tonight, she’s not fit to carry your shoes!’

‘I may have looks, but I’ve got no class,’ said Er-jie. ‘Without class, one might just as well not be good-looking.’

‘Why do you say that?’ said Jia Lian. ‘I don’t understand.’

‘You all treat me as if I were a fool,’ said Er-jie tearfully.’ ‘You think that I know nothing –’

‘No!’

‘– but though we’ve only been married two months –’

‘I know you’re not a fool!’ he insisted.

‘– though we’ve only been together for so short a time,’ she continued, ‘I already feel that I’m yours completely and for ever, in this life or any life to come. Because you are my husband, I shall always look up to you and never, never deceive you. My future is assured. But what is to become of my sister? We can’t let things go on the way they are at present. We must think of some permanent solution for her.’

Jia Lian laughed reassuringly.

‘Look, I’m not a jealous man. I know about your past and it doesn’t bother me. You really mustn’t worry. I realize that now we are married you must feel awkward about Cousin Zhen being here, but surely the solution would be for Cousin Zhen and your sister to have a formal union and after that we can forget our inhibitions and make it a foursome. What do you say to that?’

Er-jie wiped her eyes.

‘It’s very nice of you to suggest it, but I don’t know what the other two would think of your idea. For one thing, my sister is such a funny girl. And for another, I don’t know whether your cousin would like having everything dragged out into the open.’

‘It’ll be all right,’ said Jia Lian, ‘you see! I’ll go over and have it out with him now. There’s no time like the present. It’s only a question of breaking the ice.’

He strode off, the bolder for being a little drunk, to the courtyard on the western side of the compound. Light was streaming through the sitting-room window. He pushed the door open and walked in.

‘Where’s the big chief, then?’ he cried. ‘Cousin, I’ve come to pay you my respects!’

Speechless with embarrassment, Cousin Zhen rose to his feet and motioned him dumbly to a seat.

‘What’s this?’ said Jia Lian, noting his embarrassment. ‘After we’ve always been such good friends, and after all you’ve done for me – because if I cut myself into a million pieces, I still couldn’t begin to show you how grateful I am – you’re not, surely, going to start feeling uneasy on my account? My dear coz, from this day on I want you to carry on exactly as you used to in the past. Otherwise I shall give up any idea of getting myself an heir and stop coming here altogether!’

He tried to kneel down at this point, but Cousin Zhen, who was becoming quite frantic with embarrassment, quickly reached out to stop him.

‘All right, Lian,’ he said, ‘all right. Whatever you say, coz. I’ll be guided by you.’

‘Come on, let’s have some more wine!’ Jia Lian said to the servant-girl. ‘I’m going to drink with my dear cousin.’ He turned to San-jie with a leer. ‘Why don’t you and my dear cousin share a cup? You and Zhen drink a cup together and I’ll drink a cup to your future happiness. To Zhen and San-jie!’

San-jie leaped to her feet and, pointing her finger at Jia Lian from where she stood on the kang, fixed him with a withering look of contempt.

‘Don’t try the talking horse on me, my friend! If you two want to drink, I’ll watch you drink. But count me out of it. People who work shadow-puppets should be careful not to break the screen. You surely can’t be so stupid as to imagine that we haven’t seen by now how things really stand in your household? If you and your cousin thought that by spending a few taels of your stinking money you could buy my sister and me for your whores, you were very much mistaken. You see, I know all about your old woman and how scared you are of her. I know that it’s because of her that when you married my sister you had to smuggle her out here like a man who’s stolen a gong and doesn’t dare to play on it. Well, I should like to meet this Feng lady and find out just how many heads and arms she’s got. If we can reach a satisfactory agreement, well and good; but if there’s the slightest difficulty, I’m perfectly prepared to take her on and fight it out with her single-handed. But before I do that, I promise to have the liver and lights out of you two, or my name’s not “San-jie”! – You said you wanted a drink, didn’t you? All right, I’ll drink with you.’

She picked up the wine-kettle and poured out a cupful of wine; then, having drunk half of it herself, she threw an arm round Jia Lian’s neck and pressed the winecup to his lips.

Jia Lian was shocked by this onslaught into instant soberness; and Cousin Zhen, ill-prepared for such strident shrewishness by what had passed earlier in the evening, was almost equally taken aback. The two of them, for all their boasted experience, found themselves reduced to a condition of tongue-tied helplessness by this single unmarried girl.

But San-jie had not finished with them yet.

‘Why don’t you ask my sister to join us?’ she asked. ‘If we’re going to have fun, let’s all have fun together. “Home is handiest” as the proverb says. There are no outsiders here. We’re all in the family. Come one, come all!’

Cousin Zhen was by now looking for an opportunity to leave, but San-jie was careful to give him none. He had not suspected that she could be like this and deeply regretted having come; but he could not simply walk out without giving offence to Jia Lian.

Out of deliberate disregard for appearances she had taken off her hair-ornaments and outer clothes, and from time to time as she spoke, the animated gestures with which her words were accompanied caused the imperfectly-fastened crimson shift she was wearing to gape open, revealing glimpses of leekgreen breast-binder and snow-white flesh beneath; the red shoes that peeped out below her green drawers were all the time tap-tapping or coming together in a manner that was anything but ladylike, and her earrings bobbed to and fro like little swings. To her

brow’s dusky crown and lips incarnadine

the lamplight lent an added softness and brightness; and the wine she had drunk gave her eyes, which were at all times sparkling and vivacious, an even more irresistible allure. The two men were spellbound, and yet at the same time repelled. Her looks and gestures were all that inflamed concupiscence could desire; but her words and the very frankness of a provocation too brazen to be seductive kept them at bay.

And a poor pair they made of it in a situation where something other than carnal satisfaction was required of them. Not only was there none of that lively repartee that might have been expected of men who prided themselves on their gallantry; they could not produce so much as a single amusing remark between them and sat there, as the effortless flow of talk continued to pour out of her, fascinated but unresponding. Sometimes she abused them, called them names, said the most outrageous things to them. It was as though the roles had been reversed – as though she was the man and they were a pair of poor, simpering playthings whose services she had paid for. And when she had had enough of playing with them, she dismissed them ignominiously, bolted the door after them, and went to bed.

From that time onwards, whenever one of the servants did some small thing to displease her, she would launch into loud abuse of Cousin Zhen, Jia Lian and Jia Rong, denouncing all three of them as swindlers, deceivers and oppressors of the widow and the orphan.

Cousin Zhen, when he finally got back after that visit, was chary of exposing himself again. Sometimes when San-jie felt in the mood, she would send one of the boys round to summon him and he would visit her then gladly enough, for he still had some small hope of winning her; but he was careful to behave himself when he did, and to defer in everything to her wishes.

San-jie was a very peculiar young woman. She took a perverse pleasure in enhancing her natural beauty by affecting a striking style of dress and by adopting every conceivable kind of outrageously seductive attitude. The effect was that every male who encountered her was smitten – not only the susceptible ones like Jia Lian and Cousin Zhen, but those made of sterner stuff as well; yet all of them, after only a few minutes in her company, felt their ardour extinguished and their advances repelled by the reckless, forthright, almost insolent way in which she received them.

When her mother and sister took her to task for her cavalier treatment of the two cousins, she told Er-jie she was ‘stupid’.

‘Why should that pair of precious rascals be allowed to ruin girls like us that are worth a million of them and get away with it?’ she said.’ They shan’t do so if I can help it. Besides, that wife of Lian’s is a very dangerous woman. We’re all right for the time being because she hasn’t found out yet about your marriage; but she will do one of these days, and when that time comes she’s not going to sit still and do nothing. There’s sure to be a most terrible row, and who knows which of us will come out of it alive? It’s only fair that they should be made to jump a bit now. If we’re going to end up with a bad name anyway, let’s at least get what we can out of them while we’ve got the chance!’

Her mother and sister, seeing that it was useless to argue with her, left her alone.

San-jie certainly put her precept into practice. Her demands for special kinds of food, for clothing, for jewellery became daily more extravagant and capricious. Given a silver ornament she would express a desire for a gold one. If she had something with pearls in it, she would like something with gems in it as well. While she was eating the fatted goose, her mind was already contemplating the slaughter of the duck. And woe betide the cook if anything was not quite to her taste! Over would go dishes, table and all! Or, if a newlymade garment displeased her, no matter how expensive the material, she would quickly reduce it to ribbons, using a pair of scissors to aid the process and uttering a fresh malediction at every tear. Cousin Zhen, who, having some time previously exhausted the possibilities with Er-jie and grown somewhat tired of her, had willingly yielded her up to Jia Lian and transferred his attentions to her sister, now found that San-jie, far from proving the complaisant mistress he had hoped for, was actually costing him a great deal of money – money, moreover, on which there seemed little prospect of a return.

Nowadays when Jia Lian came he spent the whole of his time there with Er-jie and scarcely dared venture from her room. Because of San-jie he too was beginning to regret the situation into which he had got himself.

On the other hand Er-jie was so loving and so devoted to him; he found her so sympathetic. In her gentleness, in the wifely submissiveness with which she insisted on discussing everything with him before she would make any decision, she was ten times better than Xi-feng. And in respect of looks, voice and deportment she was at least five times better.

True, she was a fallen woman; and though she had repented, neither her reform nor any other excellence could bring back her virtue. But that was what she said. Was it not Jia Lian himself who repudiated it?

‘Everybody makes mistakes,’ he would say. ‘As long as you know that you were wrong and don’t do it again, that’s all that matters.’

He refused to talk about the unchasteness of her past: her present goodness was enough for him.

And so, his doubts forgotten, he would cleave to her more passionately than ever. They were of one heart, one mind. He swore they should live and die together. Xi-feng and Patience were banished totally from his thoughts.

Inevitably these pillow-sessions would end with Er-jie urging Jia Lian to do something about her sister.

‘Why don’t you talk it over with Zhen and think of someone you both know of who can marry her?’ she said on the last of these occasions. ‘She can’t stay here like this indefinitely. Sooner or later there will be trouble.’

‘I did talk to Zhen about it the other day,’ said Jia Lian, ‘but he couldn’t give up the idea of keeping her for himself. I said to him, “That piece of meat is too hot for chaps like us, Zhen. The rose is a very pretty flower, but you can get some nasty jabs from its spines. You’ll never hold a girl like that down. Much better find a husband for her and get her off your hands.” But he wouldn’t say “yes” and he wouldn’t say “no”: he just hummed and hawed for a bit and left it at that. So what can I do?’

‘Don’t worry,’ said Er-jie. ‘We’ll speak to San-jie herself about it tomorrow. If we can persuade her to agree in principle to a betrothal, it can be left to her to have it out with Cousin Zhen herself. Once she has convinced him that he has nothing to hope for, he will have to do something about finding her a husband.’

Next day Er-jie spent the morning preparing a little party for the four of them, and Jia Lian, instead of going off as he usually did, deliberately stayed indoors. At about noon Er-jie invited her sister over and, when she arrived, seated her next to their mother in the place of honour. San-jie knew perfectly well what the subject of this meeting was to be and, as the wine was going round for the third time, before her sister had had a chance to broach it, she burst into tears and proceeded to do so herself.

‘I’m sure the only reason you have invited me here today, sister, is to give me a lecture, but I’m not stupid and I don’t need to be nagged at as if I were a child. We all know what happened in the past, and there is no point in dragging it up now. The important thing is that as you are comfortably settled and Mamma’s future is now assured, it’s time to start thinking about how I am to be disposed of. However, this matrimony business is no children’s game: it’s a girl’s whole lifetime to the day she dies that is decided by it. In the past, because we were so vulnerable and one could never be sure what designs men might have on one, I deliberately acted in a shameless manner in order to keep them at bay. Now I am willing to put all that behind me and turn myself into a good and obedient wife. On one condition, though: the man I marry has got to be somebody I know about and somebody who is to my liking. If I leave the choice to you, I am sure you will do your best to find someone rich and well-placed and good-looking, but if it is someone I cannot give my heart to, I shall feel that the whole of my life has been wasted.’

Jia Lian smiled reassuringly.

‘That’s easy. We leave the choice entirely to you. Just name the man and we will take care of the expenses. Your mother will have nothing to worry about.’

‘I don’t need to name him,’ said San-jie. ‘Er-jie has known about him all along.’

‘Who is it?’ Jia Lian asked, turning to Er-jie; but Er-jie could not for the moment think who her sister had in mind.

‘I know who it is!’ Jia Lian clapped his hands delightedly, suddenly convinced that he had thought of the right answer. ‘And a very good choice too!’ he added.

‘Who?’ said Er-jie.

‘No one else could ever be good enough for her. It has to be Bao-yu.’

Er-jie and Mrs You felt sure that he was right, but San-jie herself repudiated the suggestion indignantly.

‘I suppose you think that if we were ten sisters instead of only three, every one of us would have to marry a Jia. There are other males in the world besides the ones in your family, you know.’

The other three were nonplussed. If it was not Bao-yu that she had in mind, then who could it be?

‘Don’t just look under your noses,’ said San-jie. ‘Try casting your mind back five years, sister.’

But at that point Joker arrived, one of Jia Lian’s most trusted pages and sharer of his secrets.

‘Sir She has been asking for you, sir,’ said Joker. ‘I told him that you’d gone off to Sir Wang’s and then hurried here as quickly as I could to let you know.’

‘Were they asking about me at home yesterday?’ Jia Lian sounded a trifle concerned.

‘I told the mistress that you were at the family temple discussing arrangements for the Hundred Days with Mr Zhen and thought you might not be able to get back.’

Jia Lian called for his horse to be led out and set off immediately, with Rich in attendance. Joker was left behind at the disposal of the women. Er-jie had two plates of food and a large cup of wine set down on the edge of the kang beside him and invited him to eat and drink standing, while she asked him a few questions. In fact she asked him a great many. How old was Xi-feng? In what way was she so awful? How old was Grandmother Jia? How many girls were there? And so on. Joker, smiling broadly, proceeded, between large sips of wine, to give the old lady and her two daughters a detailed exposé of the Rong mansion and its inhabitants.

‘I’m one of the boys from the inner gate,’ he told them. ‘I belong to one of two groups of four. We work there by shifts. One group goes on duty as the other one comes off. Of us eight, some, like me, are in the master’s confidence, some are in the mistress’s. Those of us who are in the master’s confidence daren’t say a word to upset the mistress’s boys; but she can say or do whatever she likes to us. You want to know what she’s like? A cruel heart and a sharp tongue, that about sums her up. The master’s no softy, but he can do nothing with her. There’s a Miss Patience working for her though. She’s very nice. Though she’s so well in with the mistress, she’ll often do you a kindness behind her back. When one of us boys is in trouble, the mistress will be down on us like a ton of bricks, but if we can get Patience to put in a word for us, we know we shall be all right. Everyone hates the mistress. The only exceptions are Her Old Ladyship and Her Ladyship. The others pretend to like her, because they’re afraid. She knows she hasn’t got any rivals and she always takes very good care to keep both Their Ladyships happy, so consequently whatever she says goes, nobody else dares stand up to her. She’s a great one for saving. She must have saved a mountain of money by now. That’s why Their Ladyships are always saying what a good manager she is. They don’t realize how much we servants have to suffer so that she can take the credit. Whenever anything good happens, you can be sure that she’ll get in with the news first, before anyone else does, so that she can reap the benefit. But when things go wrong or she’s made a slip herself, she’ll very quickly step aside and fasten the blame for it on someone else. She’ll even fan the flames up and make it hotter for that other person once she’s safely out of it herself. Even her mother-in-law can’t stand her. “The magpie looking for a bigger nest who set up house with the crow” she calls her. She says she’s no business meddling with the affairs of our household when she ought to be looking after her own. She says if it weren’t for Her Old Ladyship, she’d have ordered her back long ago and made her stay where she belongs.’

Er-jie laughed.

‘If you say things like this behind her back, what must you say behind mine? In my case there are even more things to criticize!’

Joker fell on his knees, protesting.

‘If I ever said a word against you, madam, I should deserve to be struck by lightning! It would have been a great blessing for all of us if the master had married you first instead of the mistress. I know there would have been fewer beatings and cursings for us boys and we shouldn’t have had to go around the way we do in fear and trembling all the time. There isn’t a boy among us who isn’t every day and everywhere singing your praises and saying what a kind and considerate lady you are. We are planning to ask the master to let us stay here and serve you all the time.’

‘Get up, get up!’ said Er-jie, laughing. ‘Little impertinence! I was only joking; how easily you are scared! I’m sure I don’t know what you should want to come here for. I am thinking of going to see your mistress.’

Joker waved his hand in vigorous disapproval.

‘Don’t do that, madam, whatever you do! It would be much better if you never set eyes on her as long as you live. She’s “soft of tongue and hard of heart”, “two faces and three knives”, she’ll “give you a smile and trip you up the while”, she’s “a welcoming fire when you see her, but a stab in the back when it’s dark” – all those things and more. I don’t think even Miss You here could get the better of her in an argument, so I’m sure a quiet, gentle lady like you would be no match for her.’

Er-jie smiled.

‘If I behave correctly towards her, I don’t see why she should do me any harm.’

‘Listen, madam,’ said Joker. ‘I’m not saying this to you because I’ve had too much to drink, but when she sees that you are both prettier and more popular than she is, she’s not going to let matters rest. They call jealous people “vinegar bottles”, don’t they? Well, she’s not just a bottle-full of vinegar; she’s a storage-jar – a whole cistern-full of it! The master’s only got to rest his eyes on one of the maids, and she’ll find occasion to have that poor girl beaten until she looks like a boiled sheep’s head. Miss Patience is supposed to be his chamber-wife, but I doubt she lets him sleep with her more than once in a year. And even then she’ll go on and on about it afterwards until she’s reduced Patience to tears. “I didn’t want to do it,” says Patience, “you made me. When I said I didn’t want to, you told me I was wicked and disobedient, but now that I’ve done it, you keep picking on me.” After that she makes it up with Patience and begs to be forgiven.’

‘That can’t be true,’ said Er-jie. ‘If she’s really the harpy you say she is, how could she possibly be frightened of a mere chamber-wife?’

‘Because Patience has reason on her side,’ said Joker. ‘It’s like the proverb says: “Three men with a carrying-pole can’t shift Reason from its place.” Patience has been with the mistress since she was a little girl. There were four maids that came with the mistress when she married, but only Patience stayed on with her. The other three either died or got married. The mistress gave her to the master to be his chamber-wife partly because she wanted to show everyone what a virtuous wife she was and partly because she thought it would be a way of binding him to her. Miss Patience is a really good sort. She’s not the sort of person to go looking for trouble, and she’s always been good and true to the mistress. That’s why the mistress always makes it up with her.’

‘I see,’ said Er-jie. ‘But haven’t I heard that there are a young widow and a number of young ladies in the family? If your mistress is as awful as you say she is, how comes it that these other ones let her get away with it?’

Joker clapped his hands together and laughed.

‘Because the “young widow” you’re talking about – that’s our Mrs Zhu – is a saint. The nickname we servants give her is “Lady Gwanyin”. She doesn’t as a rule have anything to do with household matters. She spends all her time teaching the young ladies writing and broidering and book-learning. That’s her job. She has done a bit of household managing since the mistress fell ill, but even now she doesn’t interfere very much: just follows the rules, very quiet and ladylike – no throwing her weight about or showing off how clever she is like the other one. Of the young ladies, the eldest one – well, I suppose she must be a good ‘un to have been so favoured. The second one – that’s the master’s sister – we call her “Miss Doddyblock”. She’d probably forget to say “oh” if you stuck a pin in her. The third – Master Bao’s younger sister – we call “The Rose”–’

‘Why do you call her that?’ the You sisters asked simultaneously.

‘Sweet and pretty and everyone loves her, but she has a thorn,’ said Joker. ‘The great pity about her is that she’s not Her Ladyship’s child. A phoenix reared in a crow’s nest, that’s what she is. The fourth young lady is really Mr Zhen’s sister, but Her Ladyship brought her over to our mansion when she was still a baby and brought her up there with the others. She’s a big girl now, but still pays no attention to what goes on around her, no more than the second one. Then besides our four there are two other young ladies that you probably won’t have heard about – both very, very beautiful. One is Sir Zheng’s sister’s child. Her name is Miss Lin. Though she’s so beautiful, she’s very thin and weakly. The other is Her Ladyship’s sister’s child. Her name is Miss Xue.’

‘Miss Wood and Miss Snow,’ said Er-jie, smiling.

‘If we ever meet them on their way through the courtyard or getting into their carriages when they go out,’ said Joker, ‘we none of us dare to breathe.’

‘Of course,’ said Er-jie. ‘A great household like yours is sure to be very strict about such matters. Though young boys like you would be allowed into the courtyards, you would naturally be expected to keep your distance when the young ladies are about.’

‘No, no, no,’ said Joker, waving his hand energetically. ‘That’s not the reason we’re afraid to breathe. We’re afraid that if we breathed out too hard, we might blow Miss Lin over and cause Miss Xue to melt!’

The three You ladies, the Mattress and the two maids all burst out laughing.

But who was it that San-jie wanted to marry? This will be revealed (if you want to know) in the following chapter.