第二十三回
第二十三回 三藏不忘本 四圣试禅心
诗曰：
奉法西来道路赊[1]，秋风淅淅落霜花。
乖猿牢锁绳休解，劣马勤兜鞭莫加。
木母金公原自合，黄婆[2]赤子本无差。
咬开铁弹[3]真消息，般若波罗到彼家。
这回书，盖言取经之道，不离了一身务本之道也。却说他师徒四众，了悟真如，顿开尘锁，自跳出性海流沙，浑无挂碍，竟投大路西来。历遍了青山绿水，看不尽野草闲花。真个也光阴迅速，又值九秋。但见了些：
枫叶满山红，黄花耐晚风。
老蝉吟渐懒，愁蟋思无穷。
荷破青纨扇，橙香金弹丛。
可怜数行雁，点点远排空。
正走处，不觉天晚。三藏道：“徒弟，如今天色又晚，却往那里安歇？”行者道：“师父说话差了。出家人餐风宿水，卧月眠霜，随处是家。又问那里安歇，何也？”猪八戒道：“哥呵，你只知道你走路轻省，那里管别人累坠？自过了流沙河，这一向爬山过岭，身挑着重担，老大难挨也！须是寻个人家，一则化些茶饭，二来养养精神，才是个道理。”行者道：“呆子，你这般言语，似有报怨之心。还像在高老庄，倚赖不求福的自在，恐不能也。既是秉正沙门，须是要吃辛受苦，才做得徒弟哩。”八戒道：“哥哥，你看这担行李多重？”行者道：“兄弟，自从有了你与沙僧我又不曾挑着，那知多重？”八戒道：“哥呵，你看数儿么：
四片黄藤[4]，长短八条绳。又要防阴雨，毡包三四层。匾担还愁滑，两头钉上钉。铜镶铁打九环杖，篾丝藤缠大斗篷。
似这般许多行李，难为老猪一个逐日家担着走。偏你跟师父做徒弟，拿我做长工！”行者笑道：“呆子，你和谁说哩？”八戒道：“哥哥，与你说哩。”行者道：“错和我说了。老孙只管师父好歹，你与沙僧，专管行李、马匹。但若怠慢了些儿，孤拐上先是一顿粗棍！”八戒道：“哥呵，不要说打，打就是以力欺人。我晓得你的尊性高傲，你是定不肯挑；但师父骑的马，那般高大肥盛，只驮着老和尚一个，教他带几件儿，也是弟兄之情。”
行者道：“你说他是马哩！他不是凡马，本是西海龙王敖闰之子，唤名玉龙三太子。只因纵火烧了殿上明珠，被他父亲告了忤逆，身犯天条，多亏观音菩萨救了他的性命。他在那鹰愁陡涧，久等师父，又幸得菩萨亲临，却将他退鳞去角，摘了项下珠，才变做这匹马，愿驮师父往西天拜佛。这都是各人的功果，你莫攀他。”那沙僧闻言道：“哥哥，真个是龙么？”行者道：“是龙。”八戒道：“哥呵，我闻得古人云：‘龙能喷云嗳雾，播土扬沙，有巴山岭[5]的手段，有翻江搅海的神通。’怎么他今日这等慢慢而走？”行者道：“你要他快走，我教他快走个儿你看。”好大圣，把金箍棒揝一揝，万道彩云生。那马看见拿棒，恐怕打来，慌得四只蹄疾如飞电，嗖的跑将去了。那师父手软采[6]不住，尽他劣性，奔上山崖，才大达赸步[7]走。师父喘息始定，抬头远见一簇松阴，内有几间房舍，着实轩昂。但见：
门垂翠柏，宅近青山。几株松冉冉，数茎竹斑斑。篱边野菊凝霜艳，桥畔幽兰映水丹。粉泥墙壁，砖砌围圜[8]。高堂多壮丽，大厦甚清安。牛羊不见无鸡犬，想是秋收农事闲。
那师父正按辔徐观，又见悟空兄弟方到。悟净道：“师父不曾跌下马来么？”长老骂道：“悟空这泼猴，他把马儿惊了，早是我还骑得住哩！”行者赔笑道：“师父莫骂我。都是猪八戒说马行迟，故此着他快些。”那呆子因赶马，走急了些儿，喘气嘘嘘，口里唧唧哝哝的闹道：“罢了！罢了！见自肚别[9]腰松，担子沉重，挑不上来，又弄我奔奔波波的赶马！”长老道：“徒弟呵，你且看那壁厢，有一座庄院，我们却好借宿去也。”行者闻言，急抬头举目而看，果见那半空中庆云笼罩，瑞霭遮盈。情知定是佛仙点化，他却不敢泄漏天机，只道：“好！好！好！我们借宿去来。”
长老连忙下马。见一座门楼，乃是垂莲象鼻，画栋雕梁。沙僧歇了担子。八戒牵了马匹道：“这个人家，是过当的[10]富实之家。”行者就要进去。三藏道：“不可。你我出家人，各自避些嫌疑，切莫擅入。且自等他有人出来，以礼求宿方可。”八戒拴了马，斜倚墙根之下。三藏坐在石鼓上。行者、沙僧坐在台基边。久无人出，行者性急，跳起身入门里看处：原来有向南的三间大厅，帘栊高控。屏门上，挂一轴寿山福海的横披画；两边金漆柱上，贴着一幅大红纸的春联，上写着：
丝飘弱柳平桥晚，雪点香梅小院春。
正中间，设一张退光黑漆的香几，几上放一个古铜兽炉。上有六张交椅。两山头[11]挂着四季吊屏。
行者正然偷看处，忽听得后门内有脚步之声，走出一个半老不老的妇人来，娇声问道：“是甚么人，擅入我寡妇之门？”慌得个大圣喏喏连声道：“小僧是东土大唐来的，奉旨向西方拜佛求经。一行四众，路过宝方，天色已晚。特奔老菩萨檀府，告借一宵。”那妇人笑语相迎道：“长老，那三位在那里？请来。”行者高声叫道：“师父，请进来耶。”三藏才与八戒、沙僧牵马挑担而入。只见那妇人出厅迎接。八戒饧眼[12]偷看，你道他怎生打扮：
穿一件织金官绿纻丝袄，上罩着浅红比甲；系一条结彩鹅黄锦绣裙，下映着高底花鞋。时样髻[13]皂纱漫，相衬着二色盘龙发；宫样牙梳朱翠晃，斜簪着两股赤金钗。云鬓半苍飞凤翅，耳环双坠宝珠排；脂粉不施犹自美，风流还似少年才。
那妇人见了他三众，更加欣喜，以礼邀入厅房。一一相见礼毕，请各叙坐看茶。那屏风后，忽有一个丫髻垂丝的女童，托着黄金盘、白玉盏，香茶喷暖气，异果散幽香。那人绰彩袖，春笋纤长；擎玉盏，传茶上奉；对他们一一拜了。茶毕，又分付办斋。三藏启手道：“老菩萨，高姓？贵地是甚地名？”妇人道：“此间乃西牛贺洲之地。小妇人娘家姓贾，夫家姓莫。幼年不幸，公姑早亡，与丈夫守承祖业。有家资万贯，良田千顷。夫妻们命里无子，止生了三个女孩儿。前年大不幸，又丧了丈夫。小妇居孀，今岁服满。空遗下田产家业，再无个眷族亲人，只是我娘女们承领。欲嫁他人，又难舍家业。适承长老下降，想是师徒四众。小妇娘女四人，意欲坐山招夫，四位恰好。不知尊意肯否如何。”三藏闻言，推聋妆哑，瞑目宁心，寂然不答。
那妇人道：“舍下有水田三百馀顷，旱田三百馀顷，山场果木三百馀顷；黄水牛有一千馀只，骡马成群，猪羊无数；东南西北，庄堡草场，共有六七十处；家下有八九年用不着的米谷，十来年穿不着的绫罗；一生有使不着的金银：胜强似那锦帐藏春，说甚么金钗两路。你师徒们若肯回心转意，招赘在寒家，自自在在，享用荣华，却不强如往西劳碌？”那三藏也只是如痴如蠢，默默无言。
那妇人道：“我是丁亥年三月初三日酉时生。故夫比我年大三岁，我今年四十五岁。大女儿名真真，今年二十岁；次女名爱爱，今年十八岁；三小女名怜怜，今年十六岁；俱不曾许配人家。虽是小妇人丑陋，却幸小女俱有几分颜色，女工针指，无所不会。因是先夫无子，即把他们当儿子看养。小时也曾教他读些儒书，也都晓得些吟诗作对。虽然居住山庄，也不是那十分粗俗之类，料想也陪得过列位长老，若肯放开怀抱，长发留头，与舍下做个家长，穿绫着锦，胜强如那瓦钵缁衣，雪鞋云笠！”
三藏坐在上面，好便似雷惊的孩子，雨淋的虾蟆，只是呆呆挣挣[14]，翻白眼儿打仰[15]。那八戒闻得这般富贵，这般美色，他却心痒难挠，坐在那椅子上，一似针戳屁股，左扭右扭的，忍耐不住；走上前，扯了师父一把道：“师父！这娘子告诵你话，你怎么佯佯不睬？好道也做个理会是。”那师父猛抬头，咄的一声，喝退了八戒道：“你这个业畜！我们是个出家人，岂以富贵动心，美色留意，成得个甚么道理！”
那妇人笑道：“可怜！可怜！出家人有何好处？”三藏道：“女菩萨，你在家人，却有何好处？”那妇人道：“长老请坐，等我把在家人的好处说与你听。怎见得？有诗为证。诗曰：
春裁方胜[16]着新罗，夏换轻纱赏绿荷；
秋有新[17]香糯酒，冬来暖阁醉颜酡。
四时受用般般有，八节珍羞件件多；
衬锦铺绫花烛夜，强如行脚礼弥陀。”
三藏道：“女菩萨，你在家人享荣华，受富贵，有可穿，有可吃，儿女团圆，果然是好；但不知我出家的人，也有一段好处。怎见得？有诗为证。诗曰：
出家立志本非常，推倒从前恩爱堂。
外物不生闲口舌，身中自有好阴阳。
功完行满朝金阙，见性明心返故乡。
胜似在家贪血食，老来坠落臭皮囊。”
那妇人闻言，大怒道：“这泼和尚无礼！我若不看你东土远来，就该叱出。我倒是个真心实意，要把家缘[18]招赘汝等，你倒反将言语伤我。你就是受了戒，发了愿，永不还俗，好道你手下人，我家也招得一个。你怎么这般执法？”三藏见他发怒，只得者者谦谦[19]，叫道：“悟空，你在这里罢。”行者道：“我从小儿不晓得干那般事。教八戒在这里罢。”八戒道：“哥呵，不要栽人[20]么。——大家从长计较。”三藏道：“你两个不肯，便教悟净在这里罢。”沙僧道：“你看师父说的话。弟子蒙菩萨劝化，受了戒行，等候师父；自蒙师父收了我，又承教诲；跟着师父还不上两月，更不曾进得半分功果，怎敢图此富贵！宁死也要往西天去，决不干此欺心之事。”那妇人见他们推辞不肯，急抽身转进屏风，扑的把腰门关上。师徒们撇在外面，茶饭全无，再没人出。八戒心中焦燥，埋怨唐僧道：“师父忒不会干事，把话通说杀[21]了。你好道还活着些脚儿[22]，只含糊答应，哄他些斋饭吃了，今晚落得一宵快活；明日肯与不肯，在乎你我了。似这般关门不出，我们这清灰冷灶，一夜怎过！”
悟净道：“二哥，你在他家做个女婿罢。”八戒道：“兄弟，不要栽人。——从长计较。”行者道：“计较甚的？你要肯，便就教师父与那妇人做个亲家，你就做个倒踏门的女婿。他家这等有财有宝，一定倒陪妆奁，整治个会亲的筵席，我们也落些受用。你在此间还俗，却不是两全其美？”八戒道：“话便也是这等说，却只是我脱俗又还俗，停妻再娶妻了。”
沙僧道：“二哥原来是有嫂子的？”行者道：“你还不知他哩，他本是乌斯藏高老儿庄高太公的女婿。因被老孙降了，他也曾受菩萨戒行，没及奈何，被我捉他来做个和尚，所以弃了前妻，投师父往西拜佛。他想是离别的久了，又想起那个勾当。却才听见这个勾当，断然又有此心。呆子，你与这家子做了女婿罢。只是多拜老孙几拜，我不检举你就罢了。”那呆子道：“胡说！胡说！大家都有此心，独拿老猪出丑。常言道：‘和尚是色中饿鬼。’那个不要如此？都这们扭扭捏捏的拿班儿[23]，把好事都弄得裂了，致如今茶水不得见面，灯火也无人管。虽熬了这一夜，但那匹马明日又要驮人，又要走路，再若饿上这一夜，只好剥皮罢了。你们坐着，等老猪去放放马来。”那呆子虎急急的，解了缰绳，拉出马去。行者道：“沙僧，你且陪师父坐这里，等老孙跟他去，看他往那里放马。”三藏道：“悟空，你看便去看他，但只不可只管嘲他了。”行者道：“我晓得。”这大圣走出厅房，摇身一变，变作个红蜻蜓儿，飞出前门，赶上八戒。
那呆子拉着马，有草处且不教吃草，嗒嗒嗤嗤[24]的赶着马，转到后门首去。只见那妇人带了三个女子，在后门外闲立着，看菊花儿耍子。他娘女们看见八戒来时，三个女儿闪将进去。那妇人伫立门首道：“小长老那里去？”这呆子丢了缰绳，上前唱个喏，道声：“娘！我来放马的。”那妇人道：“你师父忒弄精细。在我家招了女婿，却不强似做挂搭僧[25]，往西跄路[26]？”八戒笑道：“他们是奉了唐王的旨意，不敢有违君命，不肯干这件事。刚才都在前厅上栽我，我又有些奈上祝下[27]的，只恐娘嫌我嘴长耳大。”那妇人道：“我也不嫌，只是家下无个家长，招一个倒也罢了；但恐小女儿有些儿嫌丑。”八戒道：“娘，你上复令爱，不要这等拣汉。想我那唐僧，人才虽俊，其实不中用。我丑自丑，有几句口号儿。”妇人道：“你怎的说么？”八戒道：“我
虽然人物丑，勤紧有些功。若言千顷地，不用使牛耕。只消一顿钯，布种及时生。没雨能求雨，无风会唤风。房舍若嫌矮，起上二三层。地下不扫扫一扫，阴沟不通通一通。家长里短诸般事，踢天弄井我皆能。”
那妇人道：“既然干得家事，你再去与你师父商量商量看，不尴尬[28]，便招你罢。”八戒道：“不用商量。他又不是我的生身父母，干与不干，都在于我。”妇人道：“也罢，也罢，等我与小女说。”看他闪进去，扑的掩上后门。八戒也不放马，将马拉向前来。怎知孙大圣已一一尽知。他转翅飞来，现了本相，先见唐僧道：“师父，悟能牵马来了。”长老道：“马若不牵，恐怕撒欢[29]走了。”行者笑将起来，把那妇人与八戒说的勾当，从头说了一遍。三藏也似信不信的。
少时间，见呆子拉将马来拴下。长老道：“你马放了？”八戒道：“无甚好草，没处放马。”行者道：“没处放马，可有处牵马[30]么？”呆子闻得此言，情知走了消息，也就垂头扭颈，努嘴皱眉，半晌不言。又听得呀的一声，腰门开了，有两对红灯，一副提壶，香云霭霭，环珮叮叮，那妇人带着三个女儿，走将出来，叫真真、爱爱、怜怜，拜见那取经的人物。那女子排立厅中，朝上礼拜。果然也生得标致。但见他：
一个个蛾眉横翠，粉面生春。妖娆倾国色，窈窕动人心。花钿显现多娇态，绣带飘摇迥绝尘。半含笑处樱桃绽，缓步行时兰麝喷。满头珠翠，颤巍巍无数宝钗簪；遍体幽香，娇滴滴有花金缕钿。说甚么楚娃美貌，西子娇容？真个是九天仙女从天降，月里嫦娥出广寒！
那三藏合掌低头，孙大圣佯佯不睬，少沙僧转背回身。你看那猪八戒，眼不转睛，淫心紊乱，色胆纵横，扭捏出悄语，低声道：“有劳仙子下降。娘，请姐姐们去耶。”那三个女子转入屏风，将一对纱灯留下。妇人道：“四位长老，可肯留心，着那个配我小女么？”悟净道：“我们已商议了，着那个姓猪的招赘门下。”八戒道：“兄弟，不要栽我，还从众计较。”行者道：“还计较甚么？你已是在后门首说合的停停当当，‘娘’都叫了，又有甚么计较？师父做个男亲家，这婆儿做个女亲家，等老孙做个保亲，沙僧做个媒人。也不必看通书[31]，今朝是个天恩上吉日，你来拜了师父，进去做了女婿罢。”八戒道：“弄不成！弄不成！那里好干这个勾当！”
行者道：“呆子，不要者嚣[32]。你那口里‘娘’也不知叫了多少，又是甚么弄不成？快快的应承，带携我们吃些喜酒，也是好处。”他一只手揪着八戒，一只手扯住妇人，道：“亲家母，带你女婿进去。”那呆子脚儿趄趄[33]的，要往那里走。那妇人即唤童子：“展抹桌椅，铺排晚斋，管待三位亲家。我领姑夫房里去也。”一壁厢又分付庖丁排筵设宴，明晨会亲。那几个童子又领命讫。他三众吃了斋，急急铺铺，都在客座里安歇不题。
却说那八戒跟着丈母，行入里面，一层层也不知多少房舍，磕磕撞撞，尽都是门槛绊脚。呆子道：“娘，慢些儿走。我这里边路生，你带我带儿。”那妇人道：“这都是仓房、库房、碾房各房，还不曾到那厨房边哩。”八戒道：“好大人家！”磕磕撞撞，转弯抹角，又走了半会，才是内堂房屋。那妇人道：“女婿，你师兄说今朝是天恩上吉日，就教你招进来了；却只是仓卒间，不曾请得个阴阳，拜堂撒帐[34]，你可朝上拜八拜儿罢。”八戒道：“娘，娘说得是。你请上坐，等我也拜几拜，就当拜堂，就当谢亲，两当一儿，却不省事？”他丈母笑道：“也罢，也罢，果然是个省事干家的女婿。我坐着，你拜么。”
咦！满堂中银烛辉煌，这呆子朝上礼拜，拜毕道：“娘，你把那个姐姐配我哩？”他丈母道：“正是这些儿疑难：我要把大女儿配你，恐二女怪；要把二女配你，恐三女怪；欲将三女配你，又恐大女怪。所以终疑未定。”八戒道：“娘，既怕相争，都与我罢。省得闹闹吵吵，乱了家法。”他丈母道：“岂有此理！你一人就占我三个女儿不成！”八戒道：“你看娘说的话。那个没有三宫六院？就再多几个，你女婿也笑纳了。我幼年间，也曾学得个熬战之法，管情一个个伏侍得他欢喜。”那妇人道：“不好！不好！我这里有一方手帕，你顶在头上，遮了脸，撞个天婚[35]。教我女儿从你跟前走过，你伸开手扯倒那个，就把那个配了你罢。”呆子依言，接了手帕，顶在头上。有诗为证。诗曰：
痴愚不识本原由，色剑伤身暗自休。
从来信有周公礼，今日新郎顶盖头[36]。
那呆子顶裹停当，道：“娘，请姐姐们出来么。”他丈母叫：“真真、爱爱、怜怜，都来撞天婚，配与你女婿。”只听得珮环响亮，兰麝馨香，似有仙子来往，那呆子真个伸手去捞人。两边乱扑，左也撞不着，右也撞不着。来来往往，不知有多少女子行动，只是莫想捞着一个。东扑抱着柱科[37]，西扑摸着板壁。两头跑晕了，立站不稳，只是打跌。前来蹬着门扇，后去汤着砖墙，磕磕踵踵，跌得嘴肿头青。坐在地下，喘气呼呼的道：“娘啊，你女儿这等乖滑得紧，捞不着一个，奈何！奈何！”
那妇人与他揭了盖头道：“女婿，不是我女儿乖滑。他们大家谦让，不肯招你。”八戒道：“娘啊，既是他们不肯招我呵，你招了我罢。”那妇人道：“好女婿呀！这等没大没小的，连丈母也都要了！我这三个女儿，心性最巧。他一人结了一个珍珠篏锦的汗衫儿。你若穿得那个的，就教那个招你罢。”八戒道：“好！好！好！把三件儿都拿来我穿了看；若都穿得，就教都招了罢。”那妇人转进房里，止取出一件来，递与八戒。那呆子脱下青锦布直裰，理过衫儿，就穿在身上；还未曾系上带子，扑的一交，跌倒在地。原来是几条绳紧绷绷住，那呆子疼痛难禁。这些人早已不见了。
却说三藏、行者、沙僧一觉睡醒，不觉的东方发白。忽睁睛抬头观看，那里得那大厦高堂，也不是雕梁画栋，一个个都睡在松柏林中。慌得那长老忙呼行者。沙僧道：“哥哥，罢了！罢了！我们遇着鬼了！”孙大圣心中明白，微微的笑道：“怎么说？”长老道：“你看我们睡在那里耶！”行者道：“这松林下落得快活，但不知那呆子在那里受罪哩。”长老道：“那个受罪？”行者笑道：“昨日这家子娘女们，不知是那里菩萨，在此显化我等，想是半夜里去了，只苦了猪八戒受罪。”三藏闻言，合掌顶礼。又只见那后边古柏树上，飘飘荡荡的，挂着一张简帖儿。沙僧急去取来与师父看时，却是八句颂子云：
“黎山老母不思凡，南海菩萨请下山。
普贤文殊皆是客，化成美女在林间。
圣僧有德还无俗，八戒无禅更有凡。
从此静心须改过，若生怠慢路途难！”
那长老、行者、沙僧正然唱念此颂，只听得林深处高声叫道：“师父呵，绷杀我了！救我一救！下次再不敢了！”三藏道：“悟空，那叫唤的可是悟能么？”沙僧道：“正是。”行者道：“兄弟，莫睬他，我们去罢。”三藏道：“那呆子虽是心性愚顽，却只是一味懞直[38]，倒也有些膂力[39]，挑得行李；还看当日菩萨之念，救他随我们去罢。料他以后再不敢了。”那沙和尚却卷起铺盖，收拾了担子；孙大圣解缰牵马，引唐僧入林寻看。咦！这正是：从正修持须谨慎，扫除爱欲自归真。毕竟不知那呆子凶吉如何，且听下回分解。
[1] 赊：长，远。
[2] 黄婆：道教炼丹的术语，认为脾内涎能养其他脏，所以叫黄婆。
[3] 咬开铁弹：铁弹，应作铁橛子。佛教用铁橛子比喻没下嘴处。如果竖咬横咬，咬咬不止，忽然咬破，“始知此中有无尽法味”。
[4] （liè）：竹编的席子。
[5] 巴山（xiè）岭：爬山过岭。，意同“蹀”，履，走过。
[6] 采：拉，扯。
[7] 达赸（shàn）步：轻松缓慢的步伐。赸，跳动。
[8] 围圜：围墙。
[9] 肚别：肚子空。别，同“瘪”。
[10] 过当的：就是殷实的、有家当的、过得去的意思。
[11] 两山头：屋脊下两面上尖下宽的墙叫做山墙，也叫做山头。这里指房屋的东西墙壁。
[12] 饧（xínɡ）眼：目光凝滞，因着迷而发呆。指见色后失神的样子。
[13] （dí）髻：就是发髻。
[14] 呆呆挣挣：形容发愣的样子。挣挣犹睁睁，就是怔住的意思。
[15] 打仰：身子朝后仰。
[16] 方胜：两斜方形互相联合、彩结或叠作菱形书柬都叫方胜。
[17] （chōu）：用竹编成的滤酒工具。酒熟后需经过滤方能饮用。
[18] 家缘：家私、家产。
[19] 者者谦谦：唯唯诺诺、和和气气的意思。
[20] 栽人：捉弄人。
[21] 杀：绝、没有挽回馀地的意思。
[22] 活着些脚儿：留些地步、留个退步（路）。
[23] 拿班儿：装腔作势，犹如现在说拿乔、拿架子。
[24] 嗒嗒嗤嗤：吆喝马的声音。后文第五十六回作嗒笞笞。
[25] 挂搭僧：在寺院里暂时寄住的游方和尚。挂搭，即“挂单”。
[26] 跄（qiànɡ）路：赶路。跄，急走。
[27] 奈上祝下：犹碍上阻下、妨手妨脚、左右为难的意思。
[28] 尴（ɡān）尬（ɡà）：对人而言，是指的鬼祟、不正派、麻烦；对事而言，是指的有问题、有麻烦、叫人困窘。有时也写作不尴尬、不尴不尬。
[29] 撒欢：马因快活而兴奋地纵跳奔驰、转圈打滚、昂首长嘶叫做撒欢。
[30] 牵马：双关语，这里指说媒、做牵头。
[31] 通书：旧时对历书的别称。上面记有某月某日是否宜于婚嫁、营建、出行等等。
[32] 者嚣：掩饰、隐瞒、支吾的意思。
[33] 趄（jū）趄：欲进又退的样子。
[34] 撒帐：旧时婚礼中，新郎新娘交拜后坐在床上，参加婚礼的妇女以彩线喜果向新郎新娘掷下，叫做撒帐。
[35] 撞天婚：一种宿命的求婚方式，如抛彩球之类。
[36] 盖头：结婚时蒙在新娘头上的盖巾叫做盖头。这里是对猪八戒的讽刺。
[37] 柱科：就是房柱。
[38] 懞直：老实、浑厚、憨直。
[39] 膂（lǚ）力：体力。
CHAPTER 23. Tripitaka does not forget his origin; The Four Sages test the priestly mind.
A long journey westward is his decree,
As frosted blooms fall in autumn’s mild breeze.
Tie up the sly ape, don’t loosen the ropes!
Hold back the mean horse, and don’t use the whip!
Wood Mother was once fused with Metal Squire;
Yellow Dame and Naked Son ne’er did differ.1
Bite open the iron ball—there’s mystery true:
Perfection of wisdom will come to you.
The principal aim of this chapter is to make clear that the way to acquire scriptures is no different from the way of attending to the fundamentals in one’s life.
We now tell you about master and disciples, the four of them, who, having awakened to the suchness of all things, broke free from the fetters of dust. Leaping clear from the sea of nature’s flowing sand, they were completely rid of any hindrance and proceeded westward on the main road. They passed through countless green hills and blue waters; they saw wild grass and untended flowers in endless arrays. Time was swift indeed and soon it was autumn again. You see
Maple leaves redden the mountain;
Yellow blooms endure the night-wind.
Old cicada’s song turns languid;
Sad crickets ever voice their plaint.
Cracked lotus leaves like green silk fans;
Fragrant oranges like gold balls.
Lovely, those rows of wild geese,
In dots they spread to distant sky.
As they journeyed, it was getting late again. “Disciples,” said Tripitaka, “it’s getting late. Where shall we go to spend the night?” “Master,” said Pilgrim, “what you said is not quite right. Those who have left home dine on the winds and rest beside the waters; they sleep beneath the moon and lie on the frost; in short, any place can be their home. Why ask where we should spend the night?” “Elder Brother,” said Zhu Eight Rules, “all you seem to care about is making progress on the journey, and you’ve no concern for the burdens of others. Since crossing the Flowing-Sand River, we have been doing nothing but scaling mountains and peaks, and hauling this heavy load is becoming rather hard on me. Wouldn’t it be much more reasonable to look for a house where we can ask for some tea and rice, and try to regain our strength?”
“Idiot,” said Pilgrim, “your words sound as if you begrudge this whole enterprise. If you think that you are still back in the Gao Village, where you can enjoy the comfort that comes to you without your exerting yourself, then you won’t make it! If you have truly embraced the faith of Buddhism, you must be willing to endure pain and suffering; only then will you be a true disciple.” “Elder Brother,” said Eight Rules, “how heavy do you think this load of luggage is?” Pilgrim said, “Brother, since you and Sha Monk joined us, I haven’t had a chance to pole it. How would I know its weight?” “Ah! Elder Brother,” said Eight Rules, “just count the things here:
Four yellow rattan mats;
Long and short, eight ropes in all.
To guard against dampness and rain,
There are blankets—three, four layers!
The flat pole’s too slippery, perhaps?
You add nails on nails at both ends!
Cast in iron and copper, the nine-ringed priestly staff.
Made of bamboo and rattan, the long, large cloak.
With all this luggage, you should pity old Hog, who has to walk all day carrying it! You only are the disciple of our master: I’ve been made into a long-term laborer!”
“Idiot!” said Pilgrim with a laugh, “to whom are you protesting?” “To you, Elder Brother,” said Eight Rules. “If you’re protesting to me,” said Pilgrim, “you’ve made a mistake! Old Monkey is solely concerned with Master’s safety, whereas you and Sha Monk have the special responsibility of looking after the luggage and the horse. If you ever slack off, you’ll get a good whipping in the shanks from this huge rod!” “Elder Brother,” said Eight Rules, “don’t mention whipping, for that only means taking advantage of others by brute force. I realize that you have a proud and haughty nature, and you are not about to pole the luggage. But look how fat and strong the horse is that Master is riding: he’s only carrying one old monk. Make him take a few pieces of luggage, for the sake of fraternal sentiment!” “So you think he’s a horse!” said Pilgrim. “He’s no earthly horse, for he is originally the son of Aorun, the Dragon King of the Western Ocean. Because he set fire to the palace and destroyed some of its pearls, his father charged him with disobedience and he was condemned by Heaven. He was fortunate to have the Bodhisattva Guanyin save his life, and he was placed in the Eagle Grief Stream to await Master’s arrival. At the appropriate time, the Bodhisattva also appeared personally to take off his scales and horns and to remove the pearls around his neck. It was then that he changed into this horse to carry Master to worship Buddha in the Western Heaven. This is a matter of achieving merit for each one of us individually, and you shouldn’t bother him.”
When Sha Monk heard these words, he asked, “Elder Brother, is he really a dragon?” “Yes,” replied Pilgrim. Eight Rules said, “Elder Brother, I have heard an ancient saying that a dragon can breathe out clouds and mists, kick up dust and dirt, and he even has the ability to leap over mountains and peaks, the divine power to stir up rivers and seas. How is it that he is walking so slowly at the moment?” “You want him to move swiftly?” said Pilgrim. “I’ll make him do that. Look!” Dear Great Sage! He shook his golden-hooped rod once, and there were ten thousand shafts of colorful lights! When that horse saw the rod, he was so afraid that he might be struck by it that he moved his four legs like lightning and darted away. As his hands were weak, the master could not restrain the horse from this display of its mean nature. The horse ran all the way up a mountain cliff before slowing down to a trot. The master finally caught his breath, and that was when he discovered in the distance several stately buildings beneath some pine trees. He saw
Doors draped by hanging cedars:
Houses beside a green hill;
Pine trees fresh and straight.
And some poles of mottled bamboo.
By the fence wild chrysanthemums glow with the frost:
By the bridge orchid reflections redden the stream.
Walls of white plaster;
And fences brick-laid.
A great hall, how noble and august:
A tall house, so peaceful and clean.
No oxen or sheep are seen, nor hens or dogs.
After autumn’s harvest farm chores must be light.
As the master held on to the saddle and slowly surveyed the scenery, Wukong and his brothers arrived. “Master,” said Wukong, “you didn’t fall off the horse?” “You brazen ape!” scolded the elder. “You were the one who frightened the horse! It’s a good thing I managed to stay on him!” Attempting to placate him with a smile, Pilgrim said, “Master, please don’t scold me. It all began when Zhu Eight Rules said that the horse was moving too slowly: so I made him hurry a little.” Because he tried to catch up with the horse, Idiot ran till he was all out of breath, mumbling to himself, “I’m done, done! Look at this belly of mine, and the slack torso! Already the pole is so heavy that I can hardly carry it. Now I’m given the additional bustle and toil of running after this horse!” “Disciples,” said the elder, “look over there. There’s a small village where we may perhaps ask for lodging.” When Pilgrim heard these words, he looked up and saw that it was covered by auspicious clouds and hallowed mists. He knew then that this place had to be a creation of buddhas or immortals, but he dared not reveal the Heavenly secret. He only said, “Fine! Fine! Let’s go ask for shelter.”
Quickly dismounting, the elder discovered that the towered entrance gate was decorated with carved lotus designs and looped slits in the woodwork; its pillars were carved and its beams gilded. Sha Monk put down the luggage, while Eight Rules led the horse, saying, “This must be a family of considerable wealth!” Pilgrim would have gone in at once, but Tripitaka said, “No, you and I are priests, and we should behave with circumspection. Don’t ever enter a house without permission. Let’s wait until someone comes out, and then we may request lodging politely.” Eight Rules tied up the horse and sat down, leaning against the wall. Tripitaka sat on one of the stone drums while Pilgrim and Sha Monk seated themselves at the foot of the gate. They waited for a long time, but no one came out. Impatient by nature, Pilgrim leaped up after a while and ran inside the gate to have a look. There were, in fact, three large halls facing south, each with its curtains drawn up highly. Above the door screen hung a horizontal scroll painting with motifs of long life and rich blessings. And pasted on the gold lacquered pillars on either side was this new year couplet written on bright red paper:
Frail willows float like gossamer, the low bridge at dusk:
Snow dots the fragrant plums, a small yard in the spring.
In the center hall, there was a small black lacquered table, its luster half gone, bearing an old bronze urn in the shape of a beast. There were six straight-backed chairs in the main hall, while hanging screens were mounted on the walls east and west just below the roof.
As Pilgrim was glancing at all this furtively, the sound of footsteps suddenly came from behind the door to the rear, and out walked a middle-aged woman who asked in a seductive voice, “Who are you, that you dare enter a widow’s home without permission?” The Great Sage was so taken aback that he could only murmur his reply: “This humble monk came from the Great Tang in the Land of the East, having received the royal decree to seek scriptures from Buddha in the West. There are four of us altogether. As we reached your noble region, it became late, and we therefore approached the sacred abode of the old Bodhisattva to seek shelter for the night.” Smiling amiably, the woman said, “Elder, where are your other three companions? Please invite them to come in.” “Master,” shouted Pilgrim in a loud voice, “you are invited to come in.” Only then did Tripitaka enter with Eight Rules and Sha Monk, who was leading the horse and carrying the luggage as well. The woman walked out of the hall to greet them, where she was met by the furtive, wanton glances of Eight Rules. “How did she look?” you ask.
She wore a gown of mandarin green and silk brocade,
Topped by a light pink vest,
To which was fastened a light yellow embroidered skirt;
Her high-heeled, patterned shoes glinted beneath.
A black lace covered her stylish coiffure,
Nicely matching the twin-colored braids like dragons coiled.
Her ivory palace-comb, gleaming red and halcyon-blue,
Supported two gold hair-pins set aslant.
Her half-grey tresses swept up like phoenix wings;
Her dangling earrings had rows of precious pearls.
Still lovely even without powder or rouge,
She had charm and beauty like one fair youth.
When the woman saw the three of them, she became even more amiable and invited them with great politeness into the main hall. After they had exchanged greetings one after the other, the pilgrims were told to be seated for tea to be served. From behind the screen a young maid with two tufts of flowing locks appeared, holding a golden tray with several white-jade cups. There were
Fragrant tea wafting warm air,
Strange fruits spreading fine aroma.
That lady rolled up her colorful sleeves and revealed long, delicate fingers like the stalks of spring onions; holding high the jade cups, she passed the tea to each one of them, bowing as she made the presentation. After the tea, she gave instructions for vegetarian food to be prepared. “Old Bodhisattva,” said Tripitaka bowing, “what is your noble surname? And what is the name of your esteemed region?” The woman said, “This belongs to the West Aparagodānīya Continent. My maiden surname is Jia (Unreal), and the surname of my husband’s family is Mo (Nonexisting). Unfortunately, my in-laws died prematurely, and my husband and I inherited our ancestral fortune, which amounted to more than ten thousand taels of silver and over fifteen thousand acres of prime land. It was fated, however, that we should have no son, having given birth only to three daughters. The year before last, it was my great misfortune to lose my husband also, and I was left a widow. This year my mourning period is completed, but we have no other relatives beside mother and daughters to inherit our vast property and land. I would have liked to marry again, but I find it difficult to give up such wealth. We are delighted, therefore, that the four of you have arrived, for we four, mother and daughters, would like very much to ask you to become our spouses. I do not know what you will think of this proposal.”
When Tripitaka heard these words, he turned deaf and dumb; shutting his eyes to quiet his mind, he fell silent and gave no reply. The woman said, “We own over three hundred acres of paddies, over four hundred and sixty acres of dried fields, and over four hundred and sixty acres of orchards and forests. We have over a thousand head of yellow water buffalo, herds of mules and horses, countless pigs and sheep. In all four quarters, there are over seventy barns and haystacks. In this household there is grain enough to feed you for more than eight or nine years, silk that you could not wear out in a decade, gold and silver that you might spend for a lifetime. What could be more delightful than our silk sheets and curtains, which can render spring eternal? Not to mention those who wear golden hairpins standing in rows! If all of you, master and disciples, are willing to change your minds and enter the family of your wives, you will be most comfortable, having all these riches to enjoy. Will that not be better than the toil of the journey to the West?” Like a mute and stupid person, Tripitaka refused to utter a word.
The woman said, “I was born in the hour of the Cock, on the third day of the third month, in the year Dinghai. As my deceased husband was three years my senior, I am now forty-five years old. My eldest daughter, named Zhenzhen, is twenty; my second daughter, Aiai, is eighteen; and my youngest daughter, Lianlian, is sixteen.2 None of them has been betrothed to anyone. Though I am rather homely, my daughters fortunately are rather good-looking. Moreover, each of them is well trained in needlework and the feminine arts. And because we had no son, my late husband brought them up as if they were boys, teaching them some of the Confucian classics when they were young as well as the art of writing verse and couplets. So, although they reside in a mountain home, they are not vulgar or uncouth persons; they would make suitable matches, I dare say, for all of you. If you elders can put away your inhibitions and let your hair grow again, you can at once become masters of this household. Are not the silk and brocade that you will wear infinitely better than the porcelain almsbowl and black robes, the straw sandals and grass hats?”
Sitting aloft in the seat of honor, Tripitaka was like a child struck by lightning, a frog smitten by rain. With eyes bulging and rolling upward, he could barely keep himself from keeling over in his chair. But Eight Rules, hearing of such wealth and such beauty, could hardly quell the unbearable itch in his heart! Sitting on his chair, he kept turning and twisting as if a needle were pricking him in the ass. Finally he could restrain himself no longer. Walking forward, he tugged at his master, saying, “Master! How can you completely ignore what the lady has been saying to you? You must try to pay some attention.” Jerking back his head, the priest gave such a hostile shout that Eight Rules backed away hurriedly. “You cursed beast!” he bellowed. “We are people who have left home. How can we possibly allow ourselves anymore to be moved by riches and tempted by beauty?”
Giggling, the woman said, “Oh dear, dear! Tell me, what’s so good about those who leave home?” “Lady Bodhisattva,” said Tripitaka, “tell me what is so good about those of you who remain at home?” “Please take a seat, elder,” said the woman, “and let me tell you the benefits in the life of those of us who remain at home. If you ask what they are, this poem will make them abundantly clear.
When spring fashions appear I wear new silk;
Pleased to watch summer lilies I change to lace.
Autumn brings fragrant rice-wine newly brewed.
In winter’s heated rooms my face glows with wine.
I may enjoy the fruits of all four climes
And every dainty of eight seasons, too.
The silk sheets and quilts of the bridal eve
Best the mendicant’s life of Buddhist chants.”
Tripitaka said, “Lady Bodhisattva, you who remain in the home can enjoy riches and glory; you have things to eat, clothes to wear, and children by your side. That is undeniably a good life, but you do not know that there are some benefits in the life of those of us who have left home. If you ask what they are, this poem will make them abundantly clear.
The will to leave home is no common thing:
You must tear down the old stronghold of love!
No cares without, tongue and mouth are at peace;
Your body within has good yin and yang.
When merit’s done, you face the Golden Arch
And go hack, mind enlightened, to your Home.
It beats the life of lust for household meat:
You rot with age, one stinking bag of flesh!”
When the woman heard these words, she grew terribly angry, saying, “How dare you to be so insolent, you brazen monk! If I had had no regard for the fact that you have come from the Land of the East, I would have sent you away at once. Now, I was trying to ask you, with all sincerity, to enter our family and share our wealth, and you insult me instead. Even though you have received the commandments and made the vow never to return to secular life, at least one of your followers could become a member of our family. Why are you being so legalistic?”
Seeing how angry she had become, Tripitaka was intimidated and said, “Wukong, why don’t you stay here.” Pilgrim said, “I’ve been completely ignorant in such matters since the time I was young. Let Eight Rules stay.” “Elder Brother,” said Eight Rules, “don’t play tricks on people. Let’s all have some further discussion.” “If neither of you is willing,” said Tripitaka, “I’ll ask Wujing to stay.” “Listen to the way Master is speaking!” said Sha Monk. “Since I was converted by the Bodhisattva and received the commandments from her, I’ve been waiting for you. It has been scarcely two months since you took me as your disciple and gave me your teachings, and I have yet to acquire even half an inch of merit. You think I would dare seek such riches! I will journey to the Western Heaven even if it means my death! I’ll never engage in such perfidious activities!” When the woman saw them refusing to remain, she quickly walked behind the screen and slammed the door to the rear. Master and disciples were left outside, and no one came out again to present tea or rice.
Exasperated, Eight Rules began to find fault with the Tang Monk, saying, “Master, you really don’t know how to handle these matters! In fact, you have ruined all our chances by the way you spoke! You could have been more flexible and given her a vague reply so that she would at least have given us a meal. We would at least have enjoyed a pleasant evening, and whether we would be willing to stay tomorrow or not would have been for us to decide. Now the door is shut and no one is going to come out. How are we going to last through the night in the midst of these empty ashes and cold stoves?”
“Second Brother,” said Wujing, “why don’t you stay here and become her son-in-law?” Eight Rules said, “Brother, don’t play tricks on people. Let’s discuss the matter further.” “What’s there to discuss?” said Pilgrim. “If you are willing, Master and that woman will become in-laws, and you will be the son-in-law who lives in the girl’s home. With such riches and such treasures in this family, you will no doubt be given a huge dowry and a nice banquet to greet the kinsfolk, which all of us can also enjoy. Your return to secular life here will in fact benefit both parties concerned.” “You can say that all right,” said Eight Rules, “but for me it’s a matter of fleeing the secular life only to return to secular life, of leaving my wife only to take another wife.”
“So, Second Brother already has a wife?” said Sha Monk. “You didn’t realize,” Pilgrim said, “that originally he was the son-in-law of Mr. Gao of the Old Gao Village, in the Kingdom of Qoco. Since I defeated him, and since he had earlier received the commandments from the Bodhisattva, he had little choice but to follow the priestly vocation. That’s the reason he abandoned his former wife to follow Master and to go worship Buddha in the Western Heaven. I suppose he has felt the separation keenly and has been brooding on it for some time. Just now, when marriage was mentioned, he must have been sorely tempted. Idiot, why don’t you become the son-in-law of this household? Just make sure that you make a few extra bows to old Monkey, and you won’t be reprimanded!” “Nonsense! Nonsense!” said Idiot. “Each one of us is tempted, but you only want old Hog to be embarrassed. The proverb says, ‘A monk is the preta of sensuality,’ and which one of us can truly say that he doesn’t want this? But you have to put on a show, and your histrionics have ruined a good thing. Now we can’t even get a drop of tea or water, and no one is tending the lamps or fires. We may last through the night, but I doubt that the horse can: he has to carry someone tomorrow and walk again, you know. If he goes hungry for a night, he might be reduced to a skeleton. You people sit here, while old Hog goes to graze the horse.” Hastily, Idiot untied the reins and pulled the horse outside. “Sha Monk,” said Pilgrim, “you stay here and keep Master company. I’ll follow him and see where he is going to graze the horse.” “Wukong,” said Tripitaka, “you may go and see where he’s going, but don’t ridicule him.” “I know,” said Pilgrim. The Great Sage walked out of the main hall, and with one shake of his body he changed into a red dragonfly. He flew out of the front gate and caught up with Eight Rules.
Idiot pulled the horse out to where there was grass, but he did not graze him there. Shouting and whooping, he chased the horse instead to the rear of the house, where he found the woman standing outside the door with three girls, enjoying the sight of some chrysanthemums. When mother and daughters saw Eight Rules approaching, the three girls slipped inside the house at once, but the woman stood still beside the door and said, “little elder, where are you going?” Our Idiot threw away the reins and went up to greet her with a most friendly “Hello!” Then he said, “Mama, I came to graze the horse.” “Your master is much too squeamish,” said the woman. “If he took a wife in our family, he would be much better off, wouldn’t he, than being a mendicant trudging to the West?” “Well, they all have received the command of the Tang emperor,” said Eight Rules, with a laugh, “and they haven’t the courage to disobey the ruler’s decree. That’s why they are unwilling to do this thing. Just now they were all trying to play tricks on me in the front hall, and I was somewhat embarrassed because I was afraid that Mama would find my long snout and large ears too offensive.” “I don’t, really.” said the woman. “And since we have no master of the house, it’s better to take one than none at all. But I do fear that my daughters may find you somewhat unattractive.” “Mama,” said Eight Rules, “please instruct your noble daughters not to choose their men that way. Others may be more handsome, but they usually turn out to be quite useless. Though I may be ugly, I do live by certain principles.” “And what are they?” asked the woman. Eight Rules replied,
“Though I may be somewhat ugly,
I can work quite diligently.
A thousand acres of land, you say?
No need for oxen to plow it.
I’ll go over it once with my rake,
And the seeds will grow in season.
When there’s no rain I can make rain.
When there’s no wind I’ll call for wind.
If the house is not tall enough,
I’ll build you a few stories more.
If the grounds are not swept I’ll give them a sweep.
If the gutter’s not drained I’ll draw it for you.
All things both great and small around the house
I am able to do most readily.”
“If you can work around the house,” said the woman, “you should discuss the matter again with your master. If there’s no great inconvenience, we’ll take you.” “No need for further discussion,” said Eight Rules, “for he’s no genuine parent of mine. Whether I want to do this or not is for me to decide.” “All right, all right,” said the woman. “Let me talk to my girls first.” She slipped back inside immediately and slammed the rear door shut. Eight Rules did not graze the horse there either, but led it back to the front. Little did he realize, however, that Great Sage Sun had heard everything. With wings outstretched, the Great Sage flew back to see the Tang Monk, changing back into his original form. “Master,” he said, “Wuneng is leading the horse back here.” “Of course he’s leading the horse,” said the Tang Monk, “for if he doesn’t, it may run away in a fit of mischief.” Pilgrim started to laugh and gave a thorough account of what the woman and Eight Rules had said, but Tripitaka did not know whether to believe him or not.
In a little while Idiot arrived and tied up the horse. “Have you grazed him?” asked the elder. “There’s not much good grass around here,” said Eight Rules, “so it’s really no place to graze a horse.” “It may not be a place to graze the horse,” said Pilgrim, “but is it a place to lead a horse?”3 When Idiot heard this question, he knew that his secret was known. He lowered his head and turned it to one side; with pouting lips and wrinkled brows, he remained silent for a long time. Just then, they heard the side door open with a creak, and out came a pair of red lanterns and a pair of portable incense burners. There were swirling clouds of fragrance and the sounds of tinkling girdle-jade when the woman walked out leading her three daughters. Zhenzhen, Aiai, and Lianlian were told to bow to the scripture pilgrims, and as they did so, standing in a row at the main hall, they appeared to be most beautiful indeed. Look at them!
Each mothlike eyebrow painted halcyon-blue:
Each pretty face aglow with springlike hues.
What beguiling, empire-shaking beauty!
What ravishing, heart-jolting charm!
Their filigreed headgears enhance their grace;
Silk sashes afloat, they seem wholly divine.
Like ripe cherries their lips part, half-smiling,
As they walk slowly and spread their orchid-scent.
Their heads full of pearls and jade
Atop countless hairpins slightly trembling.
Their bodies full of delicate aroma,
Shrouded by exquisite robes of fine golden thread.
Why speak of lovely ladies of the South,
Or the good looks of Xizi?4
They look like the fairy ladies descending from the Ninefold Heaven,
Or the Princess Change leaving her Vast Cold Palace.
When he saw them, Tripitaka lowered his head and folded his hands in front of him, while the Great Sage became mute and Sha Monk turned away completely. But look at that Zhu Eight Rules! With eyes unblinking, a mind filled with lust, and passion fast rising, he murmured huskily, “What an honor it is to have the presence of you immortal ladies! Mama, please ask these dear sisters to leave.” The three girls went behind the screen, leaving the pair of lanterns behind.
The woman said, “Have you four elders made up your mind which one of you shall be betrothed to my daughters?” “We have discussed the matter,” said Wujing, “and we have decided that the one whose surname is Zhu shall enter your family.”
“Brother,” said Eight Rules, “please don’t play any tricks on me. Let’s discuss the matter further.”
“What’s there to discuss?” said Pilgrim. “You have already made all the arrangements with her at the back door, and even call her ‘Mama.’ What’s there to discuss anymore? Master can be the in-law for the groom while this woman here will give away the bride; old Monkey will be the witness, and Sha Monk the go-between. There’s no need even to consult the almanac, for today happens to be the most auspicious and lucky day. You come here and bow to Master, and then you can go inside and become her son-in-law.” “Nothing doing! Nothing doing!” said Eight Rules. “How can I engage in this kind of business?”
“Idiot!” said Pilgrim. “Stop this fakery! You have addressed her as ‘Mama’ for countless times already! What do you mean by ‘nothing doing’? Agree to this at once, so that we may have the pleasure of enjoying some wine at the wedding.” He caught hold of Eight Rules with one hand and pulled at the woman with the other, saying, “Mother-in-law, take your son-in-law inside.” Somewhat hesitantly, Idiot started to shuffle inside, while the woman gave instructions to a houseboy, saying, “Take out some tables and chairs and wipe them clean. Prepare a vegetarian dinner to serve these three relatives of ours. I’m leading our new master inside.” She further gave instructions for the cook to begin preparation for a wedding banquet to be held the next morning. The houseboys then left to tell the cook. After the three pilgrims had eaten their meal, they retired to the guest rooms, and we shall say no more of them for the moment.
We now tell you about Eight Rules, who followed his mother-in-law and walked inside. There were row upon row of doorways and chambers with tall thresholds, causing him constantly to stumble and fall. “Mama,” said Idiot, “please walk more slowly. I’m not familiar with the way here, so you must guide me a little.” The woman said, “These are all the storerooms, the treasuries, the rooms where the flour is ground. We have yet to reach the kitchen.” “What a huge house!” said Eight Rules. Stumbling along a winding course, he walked for a long time before finally reaching the inner chamber of the house. “Son-in-law,” said the woman, “since your brother said that today is a most auspicious and lucky day, I have taken you in. In all this hurry, we have not had the chance of consulting an astrologer, nor have we been prepared for the proper wedding ceremony of worshiping Heaven and Earth and of spreading grains and fruits on the bridal bed. Right now, why don’t you kowtow eight times toward the sky?” “You are right, Mama,” said Eight Rules. “You take the upper seat also, and let me bow to you a few times. We’ll consider that my worship of Heaven and Earth as well as my gesture of gratitude to you. Doing these two things at once will save me some trouble.” “All right, all right,” said his mother-in-law, laughing. “You are indeed a son-in-law who knows how to fulfill your household duties with the least effort. I’ll sit down, and you can make your bows.”
The candles on silver candlesticks were shining brightly throughout the hall as Idiot made his bows. Afterwards he said, “Mama, which one of the dear sisters do you plan to give me?”
“That’s my dilemma,” said his mother-in-law. “I was going to give you my eldest daughter, but I was afraid of offending my second daughter. I was going to give you my second daughter, but I was afraid then of offending my third daughter. And if I were to give you my third daughter, I fear that my eldest daughter may be offended. That’s why I cannot make up my mind.”
“Mama,” said Eight Rules, “if you want to prevent strife, why not give them all to me? That way, you will spare yourself a lot of bickering that can destroy the harmony of the family.”
“Nonsense!” said his mother-in-law. “You mean you alone want to take all three of my daughters?”
“Listen to what you’re saying, Mama!” said Eight Rules. “Who doesn’t have three or four concubines nowadays? Even if you have a few more daughters, I’ll gladly take them all. When I was young, I learned how to be long-lasting in the arts of love. You can be assured that I’ll render satisfactory service to every one of them.”
“That’s no good! That’s no good!” said the woman. “I have a large handkerchief here, with which you can cover your head, blindfold yourself, and determine your fated marriage that way. I’m going to ask my daughters to walk past you, and the one you can catch with your hands will be betrothed to you.” Idiot accepted her suggestion and covered his head with his handkerchief. We have a testimonial poem that says:
The fool knows not the true causes of things;
Beauty’s sword can in secret wound the self.
The Duke of Zhou of old had fixed the rites.
But a bridegroom today still veils his head!
After Idiot had tied himself up properly, he said, “Mama, ask the dear sisters to come out.” “Zhenzhen, Aiai, Lianlian,” cried his mother-in-law, “you all come out and determine your fated marriage, so that one of you may be given to this man.”
With the sounds of girdle-jade and the fragrance of orchids, it seemed that some immortal ladies had suddenly appeared. Idiot indeed stretched forth his hands to try to catch hold of one of the girls, but though he darted about madly this way and that, he could not lay hands on anyone on either side of him. It seemed to him, to be sure, that the girls were making all kinds of movement around him, but he could not grab a single one of them. He lunged toward the east and wrapped his arms around a pillar; he made a dive toward the west and slammed into a wooden partition. Growing faint from rushing about like that, he began to stumble and fall all over the place—tripping on the threshold in front of him, smashing into the brick wall behind him! Fumbling and tumbling around, he ended up sitting on the floor with a bruised head and a swollen mouth.
“Mama,” he cried, panting heavily, “you have a bunch of slippery daughters! I can’t catch a single one of them! What am I to do? What am I to do?” Taking off his blindfold, the woman said, “Son-in-law, it’s not that my daughters are slippery; it’s just that they are all very modest. Each defers to the other so that she may take you.”
“If they are unwilling to take me, Mama,” said Eight Rules, “why don’t you take me instead?”
“Dear son-in-law,” said the woman, “you really have no regard for age or youth, when you even want your mother-in-law! My three daughters are really quite talented, for each one of them has woven a silk undershirt studded with pearls. Try them on, and the one whose shirt fits you will take you in.”
“Fine! Fine! Fine!” said Eight Rules. “Bring out all three undershirts and let me try them on. If all fit me, they can all have me.” The woman went inside and took out one undershirt, which she handed over to Eight Rules. Taking off his blue silk shirt, Idiot took up the undergarment and draped it over his body at once. Before he had managed to tie the strings, however, he suddenly fell to the floor. The undershirt, you see, had changed into several pieces of rope which had him tightly bound. As he lay there in unbearable pain, the women vanished.
We now tell you about Tripitaka, Pilgrim, and Sha Monk, who woke up when it began to grow light in the East. As they opened their eyes, they discovered that all the noble halls and buildings had vanished. There were neither carved beams nor gilded pillars, for the truth of the matter was that they had all been sleeping in a forest of pines and cedars. In a panic, the elder began to shout for Pilgrim, and Sha Monk also cried, “Elder Brother, we are finished! We have met some ghosts!” The Great Sage Sun, however, realized fully what had happened. Smiling gently, he said, “What are you talking about?”
“Look where we’ve been sleeping!” cried the elder.
“It’s pleasant enough in this pine forest,” said Pilgrim, “but I wonder where that Idiot is going through his ordeal.”
“Who is going through an ordeal?” asked the elder.
Pilgrim answered with a laugh. “The women of that household happened to be some bodhisattvas from somewhere, who had waited for us to teach us a lesson. They must have left during the night, but unfortunately Zhu Eight Rules has to suffer.” When Tripitaka heard this, he quickly folded his hands to make a bow. Then they saw a slip of paper hanging on an old cedar tree, fluttering in the wind. Sha Monk quickly took it down for his master to read. On it was written the following eight-line poem:
Though the old Dame of Li Shan5 had no desire,
Guanyin invited her to leave the mount.
Mañjuśri and Viśvabhadra, too, were guests
Who took in the woods the form of maidens fair.
The holy monk’s virtuous and truly chaste,
But Eight Rules’s profane, loving things mundane.
Henceforth he must repent with quiet heart,
For if he’s slothful, the way will be hard.
As the elder, Pilgrim, and Sha Monk recited this poem aloud, they heard a loud call from deep in the woods: “Master, the ropes are killing me! Save me, please! I’ll never dare do this again!”
“Wukong,” said Tripitaka, “is it Wuneng who is calling us?”
“Yes,” said Sha Monk. “Brother,” said Pilgrim, “don’t bother about him. Let us leave now.”
“Though Idiot is stupid and mischievous,” said Tripitaka, “he is at least fairly honest, and he has arms strong enough to carry the luggage. Let’s have some regard for the Bodhisattva’s earlier intention, let’s rescue him so that he may continue to follow us. I doubt that he’ll ever dare do this again.” Sha Monk thereupon rolled up the bedding and put the luggage in order, after which Great Sage Sun untied the horse to lead the Tang Monk into the woods to see what had happened. Ah! So it is that
You must take care in the pursuit of truth
To purge desires, and you’ll enter the Real.
We do not know what sort of good or evil was in store for the Idiot; let’s listen to the explanation in the next chapter.