第五回
第五回 小霸王醉入销金帐 花和尚大闹桃花村
诗曰：
禅林辞去入禅林，知己相逢义断金。
且把威风惊贼胆，谩将妙理悦禅心。
绰名久唤花和尚，道号亲名鲁智深。
俗愿了时终证果，眼前争奈没知音。
话说当日智真长老道：“智深，你此间决不可住了。我有一个师弟，见在东京大相国寺住持，唤做智清禅师。我与你这封书去投他那里，讨个职事僧做。我夜来看了，赠汝四句偈言，你可终身受用，记取今日之言。”智深跪下道：“洒家愿听偈言。”长老道：
“遇林而起，遇山而富，遇水而兴，遇江而止。”
鲁智深听了四句偈言，拜了长老九拜，背了包裹、腰包、肚包，藏了书信，辞了长老并众僧人，离了五台山，径到铁匠间壁客店里歇了，等候打了禅杖、戒刀，完备就行。寺内众僧得鲁智深去了，无一个不欢喜。长老教火工道人自来收拾打坏了的金刚、亭子。过不得数日，赵员外自将若干钱物来五台山，再塑起金刚，重修起半山亭子，不在话下。
再说这鲁智深就客店里住了几日，等得两件家生都已完备，做了刀鞘，把戒刀插放鞘内，禅杖却把漆来裹了。将些碎银子赏了铁匠，背了包裹，跨了戒刀，提了禅杖，作别了客店主人并铁匠，行程上路。过往人看了，果然是个莽和尚。但见：
皂直裰背穿双袖，青圆绦斜绾双头。戒刀灿三尺春冰，深藏鞘内；禅杖挥一条玉蟒，横在肩头。鹭鸶腿紧系脚絣，蜘蛛肚牢拴衣钵。嘴缝边攒千条断头铁线，胸脯上露一带盖胆寒毛。生成食肉餐鱼脸，不是看经念佛人。
且说鲁智深自离了五台山文殊院，取路投东京来，行了半月之上。于路不投寺院去歇，只是客店内打火安身，白日间酒肆里买吃。在路免不得饥餐渴饮，夜住晓行。一日正行之间，贪看山明水秀，不觉天色已晚。但见：
山影深沉，槐阴渐没。绿杨影里，时闻鸟雀归林；红杏村中，每见牛羊入圈。落日带烟生碧雾，断霞映水散红光。溪边钓叟移舟去，野外村童跨犊归。
鲁智深因见山水秀丽，贪行了半日，赶不上宿头，路中又没人作伴，那里投宿是好。又赶了三二十里田地，过了一条板桥，远远地望见一簇红霞，树木丛中闪着一所庄院，庄后重重叠叠都是乱山。鲁智深道：“只得投庄上去借宿。”径奔到庄前看时，见数十个庄家忙忙急急搬东搬西。鲁智深到庄前，倚了禅杖，与庄客打个问讯。庄客道：“和尚，日晚来我庄上做甚的？”智深道：“小僧赶不上宿头，欲借贵庄投宿一宵，明早便行。”庄客道：“我庄上今夜有事，歇不得。”智深道：“胡乱借洒家歇一夜，明日便行。”庄客道：“和尚快走，休在这里讨死。”智深道：“也是怪哉！歇一夜打甚么不紧，怎地便是讨死？”庄家道：“去便去，不去时便捉来缚在这里。”鲁智深大怒道：“你这厮村人，好没道理。俺又不曾说甚的，便要绑缚洒家。”庄家们也有骂的，也有劝的。鲁智深提起禅杖，却待要发作，只见庄里走出一个老人来。但见：
髭须似雪，发鬓如霜。行时肩曲头低，坐后耳聋眼暗。头裹三山暖帽，足穿四缝宽靴。腰间绦系佛头青，身上罗衫鱼肚白。好似山前都土地，正如海底老龙君。
那老人年近六旬之上，拄一条过头拄杖，走将出来，喝问庄客：“你们闹甚么？”庄客道：“可奈[1]这个和尚要打我们。”智深便道：“小僧是五台山来的和尚，要上东京去干事，今晚赶不上宿头，借贵庄投宿一宵。庄家那厮无礼，要绑缚洒家。”那老人道：“既是五台山来的僧人，随我进来。”智深跟那老人直到正堂上，分宾主坐下。那老人道：“师父休要怪，庄家们不省得师父是活佛去处[2]来的，他作繁华一例相看。老汉从来敬重佛天三宝[3]，虽是我庄上今夜有事，权且留师父歇一宵了去。”智深将禅杖倚了，起身打个问讯，谢道：“感承施主。小僧不敢动问贵庄高姓？”老人道：“老汉姓刘，此间唤做桃花村，乡人都叫老汉做桃花庄刘太公。敢问师父俗姓，唤做甚么讳字？”智深道：“俺的师父是智真长老，与俺取了个讳字，因洒家姓鲁，唤做鲁智深。”太公道：“师父请吃些晚饭，不知肯吃荤腥也不？”鲁智深道：“洒家不忌荤酒，遮莫甚么浑清白酒，都不拣选；牛肉狗肉，但有便吃。”太公道：“既然师父不忌荤酒，先叫庄客取酒肉来。”没多时，庄客掇张桌子，放下一盘牛肉，三四样菜蔬，一双箸，放在鲁智深面前。智深解下腰包、肚包坐定。那庄客旋了一壶酒[4]，拿一只盏子筛下酒[5]，与智深吃。这鲁智深也不谦让，也不推辞，无一时，一壶酒、一盘肉都吃了。太公对席看见，呆了半晌。庄客搬饭来，又吃了。
抬过桌子，太公分付道：“胡乱教师父在外面耳房中歇一宵，夜间如若外面热闹，不可出来窥望。”智深道：“敢问贵庄今夜有甚事？”太公道：“非是你出家人闲管的事。”智深道：“太公缘何模样不甚喜欢，莫不怪小僧来搅扰你么？明日洒家算还你房钱便了。”太公道：“师父听说，我家如常斋僧布施，那争师父一个。只是我家今夜小女招夫，以此烦恼。”鲁智深呵呵大笑道：“男大须婚，女大必嫁。这是人伦大事，五常之礼，何故烦恼？”太公道：“师父不知，这头亲事不是情愿与的。”智深大笑道：“太公，你也是个痴汉，既然不两相情愿，如何招赘做个女婿？”太公道：“老汉止有这个小女，今年方得一十九岁。被此间有座山，唤做桃花山，近来山上有两个大王，扎了寨栅，聚集着五七百人，打家劫舍。此间青州官军捕盗，禁他不得。因来老汉庄上讨进奉，见了老汉女儿，撇下二十两金子，一匹红锦为定礼，选着今夜好日，晚间来入赘老汉庄上。又和他争执不得，只得与他，因此烦恼。非是争师父一个人。”智深听了道：“原来如此！小僧有个道理，教他回心转意，不要娶你女儿如何？”太公道：“他是个杀人不眨眼魔君，你如何能勾得他回心转意？”智深道：“洒家在五台山真长老处，学得说因缘，便是铁石人也劝得他转。今晚可教你女儿别处藏了，俺就你女儿房内说因缘劝他，便回心转意。”太公道：“好却甚好，只是不要捋虎须。”智深道：“洒家的不是性命？你只依着俺行，并不要说有洒家。”太公道：“却是好也，我家有福，得遇这个活佛下降！”庄客听得，都吃一惊。
太公问智深：“再要饭吃么？”智深道：“饭便不要吃，有酒再将些来吃。”太公道：“有，有。”随即叫庄客取一只熟鹅，大碗斟将酒来，叫智深尽意吃了三二十碗，那只熟鹅也吃了。叫庄客将了包裹，先安放房里，提了禅杖，带了戒刀，问道：“太公，你的女儿躲过了不曾？”太公道：“老汉已把女儿寄送在邻舍庄里去了。”智深道：“引洒家新妇房内去。”太公引至房边，指道：“这里面便是。”智深道：“你们自去躲了。”太公与众庄客自出外面，安排筵席。智深把房中一椅独桌都掇过了，将戒刀放在床头，禅杖把来倚在床边，把销金帐子下了，脱得赤条条地，跳上床去坐了。
太公见天色看看黑了，叫庄客前后点起灯烛荧煌，就打麦场上放下一条桌子，上面摆着香花灯烛。一面叫庄客大盘盛着肉，大壶温着酒。约莫初更时分，只听得山边锣鸣鼓响。这刘太公怀着鬼胎，庄家们都捏着两把汗，尽出庄门外看时，只见远远地四五十火把，照耀如同白日，一簇人马飞奔庄上来。但见：
雾锁青山影里，滚出一伙没头神；烟迷绿树林边，摆着几行争食鬼。人人凶恶，个个狰狞。头巾都戴茜根红，衲袄尽披枫叶赤。缨枪对对，围遮定吃人心肝的小魔王；梢棒双双，簇捧着不养爹娘的真太岁。高声齐道贺新郎，山上大虫来下马。
刘太公看见，便叫庄客大开庄门，前来迎接。只见前遮后拥，明晃晃的都是器械，旗枪尽把红绿绢帛缚着，小喽啰头巾边乱插着野花。前面摆着四五对红纱灯笼，照着马上那个大王。怎生打扮？但见：
头戴撮尖干红凹面巾，鬓傍边插一枝罗帛像生花。上穿一领围虎体挽绒金绣绿罗袍，腰系一条称狼身销金包肚红搭膊。着一双对掩云跟牛皮靴，骑一匹高头卷毛大白马。
那大王来到庄前下了马，只见众小喽啰齐声贺道：“帽儿光光，今夜做个新郎。衣衫窄窄，今夜做个娇客。”刘太公慌忙亲捧台盏，斟下一杯好酒，跪在地下。众庄客都跪着。那大王把手来扶道：“你是我的丈人，如何倒跪我？”太公道：“休说这话，老汉只是大王治下管的人户。”那大王已有七八分醉了，呵呵大笑道：“我与你家做个女婿，也不亏负了你。你的女儿匹配我，也好。我的哥哥大头领不下山来，教传示你。”刘太公把了下马杯。来到打麦场上，见了香花灯烛，便道：“泰山何须如此迎接？”那里又饮了三杯，来到厅上，唤小喽啰教把马去系在绿杨树上。小喽啰把鼓乐就厅前擂将起来，大王上厅坐下，叫道：“丈人，我的夫人在那里？”太公道：“便是怕羞，不敢出来。”大王笑道：“且将酒来，我与丈人回敬。”那大王把了一杯，便道：“我且和夫人厮见了，却来吃酒未迟。”那刘太公一心只要那和尚劝他，便道：“老汉自引大王去。”拿了烛台，引着大王，转入屏风背后，直到新人房前。太公指与道：“此间便是，请大王自入去。”太公拿了烛台，一直去了。未知凶吉如何，先办一条走路。
那大王推开房门，见里面黑洞洞地。大王道：“你看我那丈人是个做家的人，房里也不点碗灯，由我那夫人黑地里坐地。明日叫小喽啰山寨里扛一桶好油来与他点。”鲁智深坐在帐子里都听得，忍住笑不做一声。那大王摸进房中，叫道：“娘子，你如何不出来接我？你休要怕羞，我明日要你做压寨夫人。”一头叫娘子，一面摸来摸去。一摸摸着销金帐子，便揭起来，探一只手入去摸时，摸着鲁智深的肚皮，被鲁智深就势劈头巾带角儿揪住，一按按将下床来。那大王却待挣扎，鲁智深把右手捏起拳头，骂一声：“直娘贼！”连耳根带脖子只一拳。那大王叫一声：“做甚么便打老公？”鲁智深喝道：“教你认的老婆！”拖倒在床边，拳头脚尖一齐上，打得大王叫救人。刘太公惊得呆了：只道这早晚正说因缘劝那大王，却听的里面叫救人。太公慌忙把着灯烛，引了小喽啰，一齐抢将入来。众人灯下打一看时，只见一个胖大和尚，赤条条不着一丝，骑翻大王在床面前打。为头的小喽啰叫道：“你众人都来救大王。”众小喽啰一齐拖枪拽棒，打将入来救时，鲁智深见了，撇下大王，床边绰了禅杖，着地打将出来。小喽啰见来得凶猛，发声喊，都走了。刘太公只管叫苦。打闹里，那大王扒出房门，奔到门前，摸着空马，树上折枝柳条，托地跳在马背上，把柳条便打那马，却跑不去。大王道：“苦也！畜生也来欺负我。”再看时，原来心慌不曾解得缰绳，连忙扯断了，骑着马[6]飞走。出得庄门，大骂刘太公：“老驴休慌！不怕你飞了。”把马打上两柳条，不喇喇地驮了大王上山去。
刘太公扯住鲁智深道：“和尚，你苦了老汉一家儿了。”鲁智深说道：“休怪无礼也。且取衣服和直裰来，洒家穿了说话。”庄家去房里取来，智深穿了。太公道：“我当初只指望你说因缘，劝他回心转意，谁想你便下拳打他这一顿。定是去报山寨里大队强人来杀我家。”智深道：“太公休慌。俺说与你，洒家不是别人，俺是延安府老种经略相公帐前提辖官，为因打死了人，出家做和尚。休道这两个鸟人，便是一二千军马来，洒家也不怕他。你们众人不信时，提俺禅杖看。”庄客们那里提得动。智深接过来手里，一似捻灯草一般使起来。太公道：“师父休要走了去，却要救护我们一家儿使得。”智深道：“甚么闲话！俺死也不走。”太公道：“且将些酒来师父吃，休得要抵死醉了。”鲁智深道：“洒家一分酒只有一分本事，十分酒便有十分的气力。”太公道：“恁地时最好。我这里有的是酒肉，只顾教师父吃。”
且说这桃花山大头领坐在寨里，正欲差人下山来探听做女婿的二头领如何，只见数个小喽啰，气急败坏，走到山寨里叫道：“苦也，苦也！”大头领连忙问道：“有甚么事，慌做一团？”小喽啰道：“二哥哥吃打坏了。”大头领大惊，正问备细，只见报道：“二哥哥来了。”大头领看时，只见二头领红巾也没了，身上绿袍扯得粉碎，下得马，倒在厅前，口里说道：“哥哥救我一救。”大头领问道：“怎么来？”二头领道：“兄弟下得山，到他庄上，入进房里去。叵耐那老驴把女儿藏过了，却教一个胖和尚躲在他女儿床上。我却不提防，揭起帐子摸一摸，吃那厮揪住，一顿拳头脚尖，打得一身伤损。那厮见众人入来救应，放了手，提起禅杖，打将出去。因此我得脱了身，拾得性命。哥哥与我做主报仇。”大头领道：“原来恁地。你去房中将息，我与你去拿那贼秃来。”喝叫左右：“快备我的马来。众小喽啰都去。”大头领上了马，绰枪在手，尽数引了小喽啰，一齐呐喊，下山去了。
再说鲁智深正吃酒哩，庄客报道：“山上大头领尽数都来了。”智深道：“你等休慌，洒家但打翻的，你们只顾缚了，解去官司请赏。取俺的戒刀来。”鲁智深把直裰脱了，拽扎起下面衣服，跨了戒刀，大踏步提了禅杖，出到打麦场上。只见大头领在火把丛中，一骑马抢到庄前，马上挺着长枪，高声喝道：“那秃驴在那里，早早出来决个胜负。”鲁智深大怒，骂道：“腌打脊[7]泼才，叫你认得洒家。”轮起禅杖，着地卷将来。那大头领逼住枪，大叫道：“和尚且休要动手，你的声音好厮熟。你且通个姓名。”鲁智深道：“洒家不是别人，老种经略相公帐前提辖鲁达的便是。如今出了家做和尚，唤做鲁智深。”那大头领呵呵大笑，滚鞍下马，撇了枪，扑翻身便拜道：“哥哥别来无恙，可知二哥着了你手。”鲁智深只道赚他，托地跳退数步，把禅杖收住，定睛看时，火把下认得不是别人，却是江湖上使枪棒卖药的教头打虎将李忠。原来强人下拜，不说此二字，为军中不利，只唤做“剪拂”，此乃吉利的字样。李忠当下剪拂了起来，扶住鲁智深道：“哥哥缘何做了和尚？”智深道：“且和你到里面说话。”刘太公见了，又只叫苦：“这和尚原来也是一路。”
鲁智深到里面，再把直裰穿了，和李忠都到厅上叙旧。鲁智深坐在正面，唤刘太公出来。那老儿不敢向前，智深道：“太公休怕他，他是俺的兄弟。”李忠坐了第二位，太公坐了第三位。鲁智深道：“你二位在此。俺自从渭州三拳打死了镇关西，逃走到代州雁门县，因见了洒家赍发他的金老。那老儿不曾回东京去，却随个相识也在雁门县住，他那个女儿就与了本处一个财主赵员外。和俺厮见了，好生相敬。不想官司追捉的洒家要紧，那员外赔钱去送俺五台山智真长老处落发为僧。洒家因两番酒后闹了僧堂，本师长老与俺一封书，教洒家去东京大相国寺投托智清禅师，讨个职事僧做。因为天晚，到这庄上投宿，不想与兄弟相见。却才俺打的那汉是谁？你如何又在这里？”李忠道：“小弟自从那日与哥哥在渭州酒楼前同史进三人分散，次日听得说哥哥打死了郑屠，我去寻史进商议，他又不知投那里去了。小弟听得差人缉捕，慌忙也走了。却从这山下经过。却才被哥哥打的那汉，先在这里桃花山扎寨，唤做小霸王周通。那时引人下山来，和小弟厮杀，被我赢了他，留小弟在山上为寨主，让第一把交椅教小弟坐了，以此在这里落草。”智深道：“既然兄弟在此，刘太公这头亲事再也休题。他止有这个女儿，要养终身。不争[8]被你把了去，教他老人家失所。”太公见说了，大喜，安排酒食出来，管待二位。小喽啰们每人两个馒头，两块肉，一大碗酒，都教吃饱了。太公将出原定的金子段匹，鲁智深道：“李忠兄弟，你与他收了去，这件事都在你身上。”李忠道：“这个不妨事。且请哥哥去小寨住几时，刘太公也走一遭。”太公叫庄客安排轿子，抬了鲁智深，带了禅杖、戒刀、行李，李忠也上了马，太公也坐了一乘小轿，却早天色大明。
众人上山来，智深、太公到得寨前，下了轿子，李忠也下了马，邀请智深入到寨中，向这聚义厅上三人坐定。李忠叫请周通出来。周通见了和尚，心中怒道：“哥哥却不与我报仇，倒请他来寨里，让他上面坐。”李忠道：“兄弟，你认得这和尚么？”周通道：“我若认得他时，却不吃他打了。”李忠笑道：“这和尚便是我日常和你说的，三拳打死镇关西的便是他。”周通把头摸一摸，叫声：“呵呀！”扑翻身便剪拂。鲁智深答礼道：“休怪冲撞。”三个坐定，刘太公立在面前。鲁智深便道：“周家兄弟，你来听俺说。刘太公这头亲事，你却不知，他只有这个女儿养老送终，承祀香火，都在他身上。你若娶了，教他老人家失所，他心里怕不情愿。你依着洒家，把来弃了，别选一个好的。原定的金子段匹，将在这里。你心下如何？”周通道：“并听大哥言语，兄弟再不敢登门。”智深道：“大丈夫作事，却休要翻悔。”周通折箭为誓。刘太公拜谢了，纳还金子段匹，自下山回庄去了。
李忠、周通椎牛宰马，安排筵席，管待了数日。引鲁智深山前山后，观看景致，果是好座桃花山，生得凶怪，四围险峻，单单只一条路上去，四下里漫漫都是乱草。智深看了道：“果然好险隘去处。”住了几日，鲁智深见李忠、周通不是个慷慨之人，作事悭吝，只要下山。两个苦留，那里肯住，只推道：“俺如今既出了家，如何肯落草。”李忠、周通道：“哥哥既然不肯落草，要去时，我等明日下山，但得多少，尽送与哥哥作路费。”次日，山寨里一面杀羊宰猪，且做送路筵席，安排整顿，却将金银酒器设放在桌上。正待入席饮酒，只见小喽啰报来：“见山下有两辆车，十数个人来也。”李忠、周通见报了，点起众多小喽啰，只留一两个伏侍鲁智深饮酒。两个好汉道：“哥哥只顾请自在吃两杯，我两个下山去取得财来，就与哥哥送行。”分付已罢，引领众人下山去了。
且说这鲁智深寻思道：“这两个人好生悭吝，见放着有许多金银，却不送与俺，直等他去打劫得别人的送与洒家。这个不是把官路当人情，只苦别人！洒家且教这厮吃俺一惊。”便唤这几个小喽啰近前来筛酒吃，方才吃得两盏，跳起身来，两拳打翻两个小喽啰，便解搭膊，做一块儿捆了，口里都塞了些麻核桃[9]。便取出包裹打开，没要紧的都撇了，只拿了桌上金银酒器，都踏匾了，拴在包里，胸前度牒袋内，藏了真长老的书信，跨了戒刀，提了禅杖，顶了衣包，便出寨来。到后山打一望时，都是险峻之处，又没深草存躲。“洒家从前山去时，一定吃那厮们撞见，不如就此间滚将下去。”先把戒刀和包裹拴了，望下丢落去，又把禅杖也撺落去，却把身望下只一滚，骨碌碌直滚到山脚边，并无伤损。鲁智深跳将起来，寻了包裹，跨了戒刀，拿了禅杖，拽开脚手，投东京便走。
再说李忠、周通下到山边，正迎着那数十个人，各有器械。李忠、周通挺着枪，小喽啰呐着喊，抢向前来，喝道：“兀那客人，会事的留下买路钱！”那客人内有一个便捻着朴刀来斗李忠，一来一往，一去一回，斗了十馀合，不分胜负。周通大怒，赶向前来，喝一声，众小喽啰一齐都上。那伙客人抵当不住，转身便走，有那走得迟的，尽被搠死七八个。劫了车子财物，和着凯歌，慢慢地上山来。到得寨里，打一看时，只见两个小喽啰捆做一块在亭柱边，桌子上金银酒器都不见了。周通解了小喽啰，问其备细：“鲁智深那里去了？”小喽啰说道：“把我两个打翻捆缚了，卷了若干器皿，都拿了去。”周通道：“这贼秃不是好人，倒着了那厮手脚。却从那里去了？”团团寻踪迹到后山，见一带草木平平地都滚倒了。周通看了道：“这秃驴倒是个老贼，这般险峻山冈，从这里滚了下去。”李忠道：“我们赶上去问他讨，也羞那厮一场。”周通道：“罢，罢！贼去了关门，那里去赶！便赶得着时，也问他取不成。倘有些不然起来，我和你又敌他不过，后来倒难厮见了。不如罢手，后来倒好相见。我们且自把车子上包裹打开，将金银段匹分作三分，我和你各捉一分，一分赏了众小喽啰。”李忠道：“是我不合引他上山，折了你许多东西，我的这一分都与了你。”周通道：“哥哥，我和你同死同生，休恁地计较。”看官牢记话头，这李忠、周通自在桃花山打劫。
再说鲁智深离了桃花山，放开脚步，从早晨直走到午后，约莫走了五六十里多路，肚里又饥，路上又没个打火处，寻思：“早起只顾贪走，不曾吃得些东西，却投那里去好？”东观西望，猛然听得远远地铃铎之声。鲁智深听得道：“好了！不是寺院，便是宫观，风吹得檐前铃铎之声，洒家且寻去那里投斋。”
不是鲁智深投那个去处，有分教：到那里断送了十馀条性命生灵，一把火烧了有名的灵山古迹。直教黄金殿上生红焰，碧玉堂前起黑烟。毕竟鲁智深投甚么寺观来，且听下回分解。
[1] 可奈——怎奈。和第一回的“叵耐”用法相同。
[2] 活佛去处——去处，指地方。佛教的说法：有佛祖在五台山修行得道，那里是圣地。因之，信佛教的都说那里是有活佛的地方。
[3] 佛天三宝——佛教中指佛、佛法经典、僧人为三宝。
[4] 旋酒——烫酒。
[5] 筛酒——斟酒。
[6] 马——没有鞍辔的光背马。
[7] 打脊——鞭打脊背，是宋、元时肉刑的一种。这里是骂人的话，该打的意思。
[8] 不争——这里是如果的意思。
[9] 麻核桃——用粗麻绳打的结。
CHAPTER 4. Little Tyrant When Drunk Goes Inside the Bed Curtains; Lu Da, the Monk, Has a Fight at Taohua Village
THE Abbot spoke, “Zhishen, you certainly cannot stay here, but I have a brother in religion called Zhi Qing Jingshen, who is the Abbot of Great Xiangguo Monastery in Kaifeng, and you can go there for refuge, and work for the monks. I have here a letter of introduction for you. Last night I thought over your case, and decided to give you four sentences from our sacred sayings, and until your dying day you must not forget them.”
Lu Da (Zhishen) knelt down, and said, “I am willing to listen to these sayings.”
The Abbot continued and said:(1)“When you see a forest your lot will be improved;(2)when you see a mountain you will become rich;(3)when you enter a prefecture you will move on; and(4)when you see a river (Jiang, also a surname) you will stop.”
Lu Da upon hearing these four “sayings” kowtowed three times three. He then put on his back a bundle, two girdles round his waist, hid away the letter, bid farewell to the Abbot and the crowd of monks. He departed from Mount Wutai and went to the inn in the village near the blacksmith’s shop, where he stayed for a few days until the monk’s staff and broadsword were finished. He also got a scabbard for the sword, and had the staff varnished. He took a number of pieces of silver and paid the blacksmith. He left, and the passers-by gazed after him as he was really a very strange sight. He followed the road towards the Eastern Capital (Kaifeng). In more than half a month he had not slept in a single monastery; but had rested and eaten his food at inns, and bought his wine in wine shops. One day he was enjoying the scenery of a mountain stream and did not notice it was evening, and that he had not found a place to sleep. The road was quite deserted. After he had gone thirty li more, he passed over a plank bridge, where he saw in the distance a red light emerging from a group of trees. It was a farmhouse in a wood with surrounding wild mountains rising one above the other. He went to the farmhouse and saw outside a dozen men who were very busy moving things about. He placed his staff against the wall and spoke to the men to attract their attention.
The villagers said, “Monk, why do you arrive so late at our farm?”
“As I cannot find an inn near here,” replied Lu Da, “I should like to stay at your farm tonight, and will leave here early tomorrow morning.”
“We have some business here tonight so that you cannot stay.”
“However inconvenient it is, let me stay tonight,” said Lu Da.
“Monk, you had better go at once, and do not risk your life here.”
“This is strange,” replied Lu Da. “If I only stay for one night how shall I risk my life?” “Go away!” said the villagers. “If you do not go we shall tie you up.”
Lu Da became angry. “You villagers are unreasonable. I have not said anything wrong, yet you want to tie me up.”
Some of the villagers abused him, while others acted as mediators. Lu Da took his staff and threatened to beat them; just then he saw an old man. He was over sixty years of age and was walking with a staff that reached above his head. He called, “What is all this noise about?”
The villagers answered, “This detestable monk desires to beat us.” Lu Da spoke, “I am from Mount Wutai, and am on my way to the Eastern Capital on some business. This evening I have not found an inn, and should like to make use of your noble house for one night. Your servants were unreasonable, and wanted to tie me up.”
“As you are a monk from Mount Wutai please come inside,” the old man said. They went into the guest chamber and sat down. The old man said, “You must not think us impolite because our servants did not know that you are from a place where there is a living Buddha, and they took you as an ordinary person. I previously believed in Buddhism. Although we have some affair this evening, yet you may stay here tonight.”
Lu Da placed his staff against a chair, and rising, signified his appreciation, and then asked his host’s name.
“My name is Liu, and the villagers call me ‘Grandpa Liu.’ This place is called Taohua Village. May I ask your name and also your religious name?”
“My superior—the Abbot Zhi Zhen, gave me the name Zhi Shen but my surname is Lu.”
“Reverend, will you take a little supper with me? but I do not know whether you are willing to eat meat with me,” said Grandpa Liu.
“I can eat meat and drink wine. Whether the wine is yellow or clear, or from Shaoxing, I am not particular; and I can eat either meat or dog’s flesh.”
Very soon the servants prepared a table with a plate of beef and four different vegetables. Lu Da (Zhi Shen) took off his belt and waist girdle, and sat down. He did not stand on ceremony, nor did he decline anything. Grandpa Liu, who sat opposite, stared at him, but only ate rice. When the servants cleared the table Grandpa Liu told them that as things were upset, Lu Da would sleep in a small side room. He then informed Lu Da that if there was a noise outside in the night, he should not notice it. Lu Da inquired what was the affair to occur that night, and he was told that it was something that a monk could not take part in.
“But why is your appearance so sorrowful?” asked Lu Da, “I hope that my coming has not been inconvenient. I will give you money for my lodging tomorrow.”
“Reverend, please listen to me,” said Grandpa Liu, “I always give food to monks, and bestow charity on them, so I cannot accept money from you. Tonight I have invited someone to come and marry my daughter, therefore I am quite busy.”
Lu Da laughed loudly. “When men and women are fully grown they must marry; this is the proper thing for men and it is in accordance with the five constant virtues. So why should there be trouble?”
“You, Reverend, do not understand this marriage,” said Grandpa Liu, “but the fact is that my daughter is not willing to marry.”
Lu Da laughingly replied, “Sir, you are a silly fellow. If she does not agree why have you invited the man to marry her?”
“I have only one daughter, and she is nineteen years old,” Grandpa Liu remarked. “Near here, there is a mountain called Mount Taohua. Recently two bandit chiefs have erected a stronghold there, and have collected about seven hundred men, and they rob the cottages near here. The officers in charge of the troops at Qingzhou have tried to arrest them without success. The bandits then came here, and demanded money. When one of the chiefs saw my daughter, he presented her twenty taels of gold, and a roll of red embroidered silk as a token of his desire for an engagement. He has selected this night to come and marry the girl. I cannot dispute the matter with him but I must agree to his demand. And that is why I am annoyed.”
Lu Da upon hearing this said, “So that is the case. But if I have the means of causing him to change his mind about taking away your daughter, how will that do?”
“He is king of demons, and kills men without moving an eyelash, so how can you get him to change his mind?”
“I studied under the Abbot at Mount Wutai and therefore I can speak reasonably. Even if he were a man of iron or stone I could alter his decision. Tell your daughter to hide in some other place this evening, and I will stay in her room.”
“That will be fine but do not pull the tiger’s whiskers,” said Grandpa Liu.
“Is not that my business?” asked Lu Da. “Leave it to me and I’ll do the correct thing.”
“Certainly it will be all right,” said Grandpa Liu, “we are very lucky in meeting such a living Buddha as you.”
He then asked Lu Da if he would like something more to eat but the latter replied, “only wine.” Grandpa Liu ordered the servants to bring a big bowl of wine as well as a cooked goose, both of which were eaten by the monk, who told the servants to place his bundle in the room. Then putting his sword in his belt and picking up his monk’s staff, he asked if the girl was in hiding. Grandpa Liu had sent his daughter to a neighbor’s house, and led Lu Da to the bride’s apartment. The servants withdrew to prepare the banquet. Lu Da placed the tables and chairs that were in the room to one side; put his sword at the head, and his staff at the side of the bed; let down the bed curtains covered with gilt letters, took off his clothes and lay down.
Grandpa Liu saw that it was getting dark so he told the servants to light the lanterns which were outside. He had a table placed on the threshing floor on which were flowers, incense sticks, and lanterns. He also instructed them to get a dish of meat ready, and heat a large kettle of wine. About ten o’clock they heard the sound of gongs and drums being beaten on the hill. Grandpa Liu thought of a vile scheme, and the servants were almost in a state of panic. They all went outside the gate of the farm but upon seeing in the distance a great illumination from five hundred torches, they fled into the farmhouse. Grandpa Liu had the gate opened and proceeded to welcome the guests. He saw two bodies of men, one in front of the other. They were armed with all kinds of military weapons, glittering in the light, and were decorated with red and green silk. The bandits had stuck wild flowers in their caps, and carried four or five red gauze lanterns, which lit the road for their leader who was riding a horse. On his head he had a flat topped cap of red color, and near his temple was a large imitation flower made of silk, he wore a long green gown with tiger design embroidered in gold, round his waist a red sash fastened with a golden buckle, standing away from this a few inches a stiff girdle was suspended; leather boots with designs of clouds on them. He was riding a big white horse and dismounted at the gate of the farmhouse. The bandits offered congratulations by singing:
“Tonight his cap is very bright
For he is a bridegroom;
Clothed with handsome dress is he
And all his cheek’s abloom.”
Grandpa Liu poured out a cupful of wine and kneeling on the ground, offered it to the bandit leader, who, however, raised him, saying; “You are my father-in-law so why do you kneel before me?”
“As you are the chief of this district, and my family is under your control, you should not object like this,” replied Grandpa Liu.
The bandit chief was almost drunk and laughingly replied. “As I am to be your son-in-law I will treat you fairly; as your daughter is to be my wife things will soon be all right.” Upon reaching the threshing floor, the bandit chief saw the preparations, and asked, “Father-in-law, why do you receive me in this way?” He drank three cups of wine at that spot. He told his men to tie up his horse to a poplar, and went toward the guest room. His men began to play on the musical instruments and beat the drums. Upon entering the guest room the bandit chief sat down, asking for his wife. Grandpa Liu replied, “My daughter is so timid that she dare not come here.” The robber chief laughed, and taking a cup of wine said, “I should like my wife to come here and drink some wine with me.”
Grandpa Liu thought this a suitable opportunity for the monk to act as mediator, so he requested the guest to come with him. He took a candle, and going to the bridal chamber pointed, saying, “This is the room. Please enter.” Grandpa Liu took the candle and departed, as he did not expect trouble. The bandit chief pushed the door open, and saw that the interior was dark. He said, “My wife’s father is really so economical that he has not even a lamp lighted in the room, and let my wife to sit in the dark. Tomorrow I will tell one of my men to bring a bucket of good oil to my mountain stronghold, so that my wife can light the lamp there.”
Lu Da lying inside the bed curtains heard all this, but he suppressed his inclination to laugh and made no sound.
The bandit chief felt his way into the dark room, calling out, “Wife, why do you not come to receive me? You need not be so timid because tomorrow you will be the leading woman in my stronghold.” Feeling his way in the darkness, and calling “wife, wife,” he at last touched the embroidered bed curtains, and lifted them. Then reaching with his hand he felt the belly of Lu Da. The latter at once took hold of the bandit chief’s head and pressed him down on the bed. The chief struggled to get up but Lu Da abused him. “You are certainly a bastard” and lifting his fist struck a blow. “Why do you hit your husband?” he asked. Lu Da shouted, “I am teaching you how to recognize your old woman.” He pulled him to the floor at the side of the bed. belabored him with his fist, and kicked him, while the bandit called out, “Save me, save me.” Upon hearing this Grandpa Liu was almost startled out of his wits, and hastily picking up a lamp, led the bandits into the room. There they saw a big fat monk, stark naked, on top of the bandit chief, beating him. The bandits had their spears and cudgels, and Lu Da, upon seeing these, let go the chief and got his monk’s staff from the bed. The men seeing his fierce bearing, all retreated, followed by Lu Da. Seizing the opportunity the bandit leader crawled to the door of the room, and walked into the yard. He soon found his unsaddled horse in the dark, broke off a twig from the tree, and jumped on the horse. He hit the horse with the twig but it did not move. The robber leader said to himself, “What a nuisance! Even the horse despises me!” He then realized that he had omitted to loosen the reins which were still fastened to the tree. He quickly snatched them, and the horse galloped away with him. As he passed through the gate, he cursed Grandpa Liu; saying, “You, old ass, need not hurry. Wherever you fly, I shall catch you.” He lashed the horse which carried him up the mountain. Grandpa Liu caught hold of Lu Da, saying, “Reverend, you have brought trouble to my home.”
“You cannot say that I have done something improper,” replied Lu Da. “Bring me my clothes, and when dressed I will talk with you.” This was done, and Grandpa Liu said, “I hoped you would be reasonable, and get him to change his mind. I did not expect you to assault him; he will now gather a large body of his men and come to kill us.”
“Grandpa, do not get excited, and I will tell you something,” replied Lu Da. “I am a Major, in the army of Grand Secretary Liang at Yanan Prefecture. I became a monk because I killed a man. You need not speak of these bandits, for I should not be afraid of two thousands of them on foot or mounted. If you do not believe me then pick up my monk’s staff and look at it.” A servant tried to lift the staff but he could not move it. Lu Da, however, picked it up in his hand, and whirled it round as though it were only a lamp wick made of rush.
“Reverend, you must stay here and protect us,” said Liu.
“That is needless talk because I will not go away.”
The farmer told his servants to bring more wine, but to be careful not to make the guest drunk.
“If I drink only a little wine, I can do only a small piece of business, but if I drink a lot, then I can do more,” said Lu Da.
On Mount Taohua, the principal head of the bandits was thinking of sending one of his men to inquire about his second-in-command’s marriage. When the armed bandits returned with a defeated appearance he asked why they were in such disorder, and they told him that their second-in-command had been defeated. At this he was surprised, but while he was listening to details, his assistant arrived. He noticed that he was not wearing the usual red cloth round his head, and that his green dress was in tatters. As he dismounted in front of the main building he called, “Elder brother, please save me,” and when he was asked for an explanation, he continued, “I went down the mountain to the village where Grandpa Liu lives, and found that the detestable old donkey had hidden the woman, and had got a big monk to be on the bed in her place. I was quite unprepared for attack, and when I groped my way to the bed, and touched him, he hit me with his fists, kicked me, and severely maltreated me. When my men entered the room he chased them out, and while this was happening I managed to get away. Elder brother, I want revenge.”
The principal bandit leader answered, “So, this is it! You rest indoors, while I go and seize this bald-headed thief.” He then commanded his men to get his horse ready. He mounted, and led his men down the mountain, who shouted as they went along. Lu Da was drinking wine, when a servant reported that the bandits were again approaching. “Keep cool!” said Lu Da, “I will knock them down, and you can tie them up and take them to the yamen. Let somebody bring my sword.” He then took off his long gown, tucked his short underclothing in his belt; put on his broad sword; he picked up the iron monk’s staff, and strode to the gate where he saw the bandit leader seated on a horse and holding a spear, surrounded by many torches. He heard him shout, “Where is that bald-headed donkey? Tell him to come at once as we must fight out the matter.” Lu Da was angry and abused him, “You dirty rascal! You shall certainly recognize me.” He then lifted his iron monk’s staff and whirled it round.
The leader of the bandits called, “The sound of your voice is familiar to me. What is your name?”
Lu Da answered, “I am none other than Major Lu Da, in the employment of Grand Secretary Liang. Just now, however, I am a monk called Lu Zhishen.”
The leader of the bandits laughed, and dismounted, and threw away his spear, knelt down, and making salutations said, “Is my elder brother quite well? I am aware that my younger brother felt the weight of your hand.”
As Lu Da suspected that was a trick he retreated several steps, and examined the man closely by the light of the torches. He then recognized him as a drill instructor who had often sold medicine on the streets, and was named Li Zhong, with a nickname “The Tiger Fighting General.” In those days the thieves did not consider it advisable to say “kneel down” in their band, so they used another expression, “Scissors and Brush”; as a kind of code. Li Zhong now arose and said, “Elder brother, why are you a monk?”
“I will talk that over with you indoors,” replied Lu Da.
When Grandpa Liu heard this he was afraid of more trouble, as he thought that they both were thieves. When Lu Da was inside, put on his clothes, sat at a table, and called for Grandpa Liu, the latter did not care to come. So Lu Da said, “Grandpa, you need not fear. He is my younger brother.” When Grandpa Liu heard this he was more confused: still he came forward, and sat on Lu Da’s left. Lu Da gave a résumé of how he had killed the Bully and afterwards entered a monastery where he became drunk on two occasions, had been expelled, and sent to Kaifeng.
Li Zhong explained that when he heard Lu Da had killed the butcher at Weizhou, he tried to find him. Hearing the police wished to arrest him, he also went away. He happened to pass near this mountain and was attacked by the bandits in charge of Zhou Tong, nicknamed “Little Tyrant”: but he repulsed them, so they invited him to join them as their leader.
“As things are like this you need not say anything about the bridal fiasco,” said Lu Da, “because if Zhou Tong had taken the girl, her father would have become a vagrant.”
Grandpa Liu was much pleased at this and ordered the servants to bring wine and food, and entertained his two guests well. He also ordered that each of the bandits was to have two small loaves of bread, two slices of meat, and a big cup of wine. Lu Da told Li Zhong to take the gold and silk, prepared by Grandpa Liu and give them back to “Little Tyrant.” Li Zhong asked both of them to come to the stronghold on the mountain and stay for a few days: this was agreed to. Sedan chairs were prepared for Lu Da and Liu, while Li Zhong rode his horse. It was daybreak, and upon arrival at the stronghold they entered the hall to discuss matters. Zhou Tong was sent for, but when he saw the monk he was angry, and said, “So my elder brother has not carried out my revenge, but asked the monk to come, and invited him to sit in the premier place.”
Li Zhong laughed, “This monk is the one who killed the Bully with three blows of his fist, about which I have told you many times.”
Zhou Tong rubbed his head and exclaimed, “Ai Ya!”55 He then knelt and saluted Lu Da, who returned the compliment, saying, “Pray excuse my intrusion.” They all sat down and Lu Da explained the position to Zhou Tong, advising him to break his engagement, and find a better girl. The wedding presents were handed to him. Zhou Tong agreed to this, and promised to let the matter drop, saying, “This is a vow taken with the breaking of an arrow.”
Grandpa Liu was satisfied and returned home while the bandits prepared a feast for Lu Da. During the following days they took their guest all over the mountain to see the splendid wild scenery. The mountain was covered with grass and trees, and was difficult of access, there being only one road. After a few days, however, Lu Da saw that Li Zhong and Zhou Tong were mean, and had no nobility in their natures. When he told them he wanted to leave, they pressed him to remain but he reminded them he being a monk could not join them.
The bandit chiefs said, “As you have definitely decided to go, please wait until tomorrow, when we will go down the mountain, and plunder somebody for some money, which we will give you for your traveling expenses.”
The next day they made a big banquet at which the wine cups were of gold and silver, but just as they sat down one of their men came to report that below were two carts with about ten travelers. Upon hearing this the bandit chiefs summoned their followers and said to Lu Da, “Elder brother, you will have to drink our wine by yourself, but we will leave two men to wait upon you. We must go and get the money for you.” So saying they left with their men.
Lu Da thought, “These two men are certainly very mean as they have plenty of gold and silver here to give me, but instead they want to plunder other people for money and give it to me. Is not this being generous at other people’s expense? So I will frighten these two men who are attending on me.” He then told the men to bring him some warm wine, and after drinking some he got up and knocked them down with his fists. He then took their girdles, and tied their arms and legs. He gagged them with balls of hempen thread; he opened his bundles and threw away everything that was not needed; and then taking the gold and silver cups he made them flat by stamping on them, and packed them in his bundles. He hid the letter from Abbot Chen in his breast pocket; put on his sword; picked up his monk staff, and left the stronghold. He had a good look round, and saw that the mountain behind the stronghold was very wild. If, however, he went down the mountain by the ordinary road he was sure to meet the brigands, so he decided to descend the mountain by rolling down through the grass. He tied his broad sword, and the monk staff to the bundle, and threw them down the steep slope. He then rolled himself down to the foot of the mountain without sustaining any injury. He soon found his bundle, and started on his way.
The bandit chiefs attacked the travelers, who resisted for a long time, but seeing that they were outnumbered they at last retreated abandoning their baggage. Upon returning to their stronghold with the loot, the chiefs discovered that Lu Da had gone, and had taken away the gold and silver cups, and at first they thought of pursuing him, but after a little discussion they agreed to let the matter drop.
That day Lu Da walked a distance of about twenty li without coming across an inn so that by evening he was very hungry. Just then he happened to hear the tinkling of a bell, which he knew was the sound of a bell hanging at the eaves of a Buddhist temple, and it was moved by the wind. So he decided to investigate this. We will now relate what this temple was.
A score of souls,
Were lost in half a day;
Temples of long standing,
In ambers were now laid.
Footnote
55 Exclamation of surprise or realisation, similar to “Oh my!”